u/Famous-Test-4795

To the point of being unfriendly or almost selfish? I would hesitate to ask basically anyone I know in this area for any kind of help at all but that may be because I met the majority of them at work.

If I got hit by a car and I had to ask one of them to drive me to the hospital for example, I’d expect to get berated for inconveniencing someone and not thinking about the negative consequences of my actions on them and for making them feel used for asking.

It is such an uphill battle to even have a respectful or useful conversation when this happens.

You get treated with contempt from the start like you’re incompetent. You try to prove yourself to get them to treat you better. They give you all of this feedback on all of the things they want you to change about yourself constantly while giving you more and more work. Your other male peers never get the ambiguous work that requires a lot of research and digging through legacy code that everyone hates. You start to get really stressed out.

They ask you to give feedback and dismiss half of what you’re saying anyways, then say later that you didn’t communicate well. But you read all of these books on how to give feedback. You attended these workshops. How much more are you supposed to do? You’re the junior engineer anyways.

Then your male peers are applauded for doing basic things like communicating what they do in standups and showing up to standup on time regularly, which everyone does already.

Then you are fired for underperforming and being a bad engineer, and they want you to be grateful for all of the feedback and “mentorship” they gave you. They also say you’re not a culture fit. And if you ask for a reference, they say we already gave you so much help.

And your male peers make passive aggressive jokes about DEI while not recognizing how much they’re being protected and insulated from the bullshit you’re dealing with.