u/Famous-Exchange-3064

Yesterday i posted on here about my boyfriends Body Count. It was 16 when we met. (we both where 24)

Today he told me, actually it was 23. That means one girl every 2 months in his single phase. I pucked after that.
I hate myself for judging, i want to be with him, but thats a point that hurts my feelings. In my eyes, he's not the same guy anymore which i think i knew. I know, it shouldnt matter, but its an ick, but i fall to much in love to say goodbye…

He just did it for pleasure, especially on via Tinder or vacation, and now I'm number 23.

Is 23 for a (back then) 24yo high? He was single for 3.5 years.

For further information, see my last post.

Hi everyone,

my boyfriend [26M] and I [26F] have been together for about 1.5 years. Up until about a month ago, everything between us felt really harmonious and easy.

Recently, however, some things came up that seriously damaged my trust. There were lies and things he hid about his past, but also about things that happened during our relationship. Because of that, I even arranged couples therapy for us to try to rebuild trust.

We both genuinely want to stay together and make this work long-term, ideally for life, because we do love each other.

What I’m currently struggling with the most is this:

When we got together (we were both 24), his body count was 16. For my personal values, that feels very high. Only 3 of those were actual relationships, the rest were either casual or one-night stands.

What hurts even more is that until recently, he told me it was “only” 8. He thought the truth would hurt me. Finding out it’s actually 16 hit me really hard.

I’m also struggling with the fact that he used to say he doesn’t really like one-night stands, yet he still had them multiple times. It makes me feel like he must have enjoyed it on some level, otherwise why would he keep doing it?

On top of that, he had an on-and-off sexting/nude exchange with another woman for about 3.5 years during his single/dating phase. This even overlapped with the time we were getting to know each other, and he says he doesn’t really remember how long it continued into that phase. At first he said this was before me, but as i saw the chat/images to make sure, he noticed that he might did a mistake. He took away the phone from me. I'll never know if the date he says is true is actually true. That hurts me a lot too.

My mind is completely torn:

On one hand, I tell myself this was all before me, and that I should accept him for who he is now.

On the other hand, it’s eating me up inside that he shared something I consider very intimate with so many women. I keep having intrusive thoughts during the day, and especially when I see his body or during sex, it really hurts and triggers my imagination.

I don’t want to judge him, but I can’t seem to stop, and it’s painful.

What can I do to deal with this? I want to life a peaceful future with him without any bad thoughts. :(
I’d really appreciate any advice. ❤️

TL;DR:
Boyfriend and I (both 26) have been together 1.5 years and want a future together, but my trust was damaged by lies about his past and things during our relationship. He initially told me his body count was 8, but it’s actually 16, mostly casual/ONS. He also had long-term sexting with someone that overlapped with our early dating phase. Now I’m struggling with intrusive thoughts, jealousy, and feeling hurt about how he treated intimacy before me. How can I cope with this?