A brief intro to my story
Hello, this is my story so far. I have been in a new relationship for around 10 months. I’ve been in relationships before and been very happy but this one felt different. We fell in love quickly and I fell so deeply. I have mentioned marriage and kids, something I’ve never truly meant before. Everything was going amazingly (and id never experienced any recognisable OCD patterns before.)
Then one day I woke up and bam. The ‘what if you don’t love her’ thoughts were there and I couldn’t shake them for days. I wondered whether it was an anxiety spike - I had experienced some anxiety before but nothing like this. Constant ruminations and loops have gripped me for around 4 months now. I’ve had some days where ‘the radio is on in the other room’ but mostly quite debilitating stuff.
I thought checking my feelings against other things was helpful (obviously), so started comparing my feelings towards friends and hobbies. when I felt flat towards these things too it would provide that sweet bit of relief ‘its not a problem with her, it’s just the way my brain is working right now’
since then, I now have OCD patterns towards what feels like everyone and everything. about my happiness in general and whether I’ll ever find ‘true happiness’ again.
the self monitoring is horrible. questioning everything I say, do and the way I behave all the time.
I am beginning my therapy journey and think maybe medication is going to be needed to level out the bad days a bit.
any suggestions on meds - UK based would be appreciated.
Thank you all for the info and support that you provide on here. It has helped me so much to know I’m not alone.