i need help understanding what i am
im a cis woman but my whole life i wanted to be a boy. but nowadays i dont feel like that anymore but i still have one thing in mind that didnt change, having a penis. i hate my genitals and the female organs, and i really wish i had male genitals. not only because its so hard living with this things but also because i feel extremely uncomfortable and disgusted about it. i feel like if i had one id feel so much more confident about my body. i have some masculine features naturally and before when i thought i was a trans boy, anyone would believe it and think im a femboy. i don't want to be guy, i like people seeing me as a woman (in real life only). i wish i was more like a trans woman. i wish i was born a man biologically and then i become a trans woman without surgery, only the hormones to be feminine (please dont attack me for this one, i really dont know how could i phrase it better :c )
i know male genitals have its problems too but i wouldn't mind them. i think id look so much prettier.
ive ben considering being more androgynous or something but i dont know how to start and neither if thats what i truly want. i am a balance of both female and male features, depending on what i wear i can get misgendered easily, if i tell a stranger im a guy, they will believe right away, but if i say im a girl they will believe it too, both without questioning. my face is pretty feminine but my body is a bit more masculine due to my shoulders and back. i need help knowing what i really am, im tired of being confused.
F17