u/Fake-Slacker-2003

Paolo context: May kapitbahay kasi kmi na pag humingi kami konting pabor, kinabukasan babawian kami na uutang ng 100-300 pesos.

Pabor: bantayan saglit si papa with free meryenda at walang gagawin basta bantay lang. Padasal at insenso with free meryenda pagkatapos. That's all

Pansin ko mga pattern ng konting paghingi ko ng pabor, kinabukas hihirit na uutang ng halagang 100-300 pesos, dti pinagbibigyan ko kc madali sila lapitan when needed pero pansin kong nauulit ung gnung cycle.. Madali rin naman kmi lapitan pag need nila and we don't ask anything in return, khit nga sasakyan ko isang beses pinahiram ko sa asawa nya kasi na emergency apo nila. Wala ako hiningi khit piso o pang gas.. Khit mga kagamitan dto sa bahay pinapahiram ko sila ng walang kapalit, lahat ng service na pinapagawa namin sa knila bayad kasi kino-consider namin oras at pagod nila..

Ngaun, humihirit na hihiram ng 300, knowing na nag gagamutan papa ko sa cancer nya at napaka mahal ng mga maintenance kmi lang alam na tatakbuhan araw araw may mga lazada na nakatok sa pinto nila

My fault na pinamihasa ko and it's my first time saying no to them, i also reminded their previous balance na kung itototal aabot na siguro ng 1k+ sa bawat hiram ng 100-300. I learned my lesson.

I hate this! My sleeping pattern is very unhealthy no matter what I do, he's very entitled of my time especially at night whenever he finds out i'm still awake, he always call my name to command me or forcefully make me listen to all of his whining. It's extremely draining and stressing me! I even told him countless time not to bother me especially in my sleep or resting hour but he badmouths me and tell me "why? You should understand my condition! I'm in pain!"

I understand that, really but because of my unhealthy sleeping pattern i always experience chest pain particularly on left area. I also have difficulty in breathing whenever i inhale and palpitations. I still haven't check myself yet because he don't want to be alone, we have no relatives and no one wants to help us(i made a post about that). I told him those symptoms, hoping he could spare me but he compared it to his condition. I'm tired explaining, really. I'd rather die to end my suffering.

I blocked my uncle who used to go here in house when he was still single. Before, even if I ask him a favor to look after my dad he always say yes to me. I always make sure he's also well fed and had a bed to sleep on comfortably. I also insist on paying him but he always rejects my offer and I was grateful for that.

But everything changed when he got a girlfriend that's 3 decades younger than him(uncle is 59, gf is 23). I know i'm not entitled of his time but i rarely ask a favor to him to look.after my dad and even told him he can bring his gf in our house, because I just need a break or a day off. I want to unwind, i want to watch my favorite Japanese band concert last month. He didn't give me a response, he just sent me photo of him with his girl on his bed and that icks me a lot but I let it pass, i accepted the fact that now's not the time to see my idols in person and to watch their concert.

Last 2 weeks, i tried asking for a favor again. Usually, i gave him early notice because the concert will be in cinemas for a limited time. I badly want to watch my idols even just in the cinemas. I pleaded, he said he'll try but he didn't. I was crying the whole time and accepted the fact again that maybe... Now's not the time again.

I'm tired asking my uncle for help, even when I told him that dad was diagnosed with early stage cancer about a month ago he still didn't show up at least just for a day but he keeps on sending pics of him with his girlfriend. I finally blocked him and I won't ask for help anymore, i know this sounds toxic but i'm not asking for too much. He's the only relative i thought i could rely on, i only want a daybreak 💔

No one is taking care of u, that someone you're taking care of is also pressuring you to take care of them despite being sick?

These past few weeks, my left chest is always hurting and i am suffocating. I don't have time to go to the hospital for a check up because my father is very dependent on me, no one wants to help us because of his narcissitic attitude.

At 5am earlier, i felt the pain on my left chest again and a severe headache. When my father found out im awake, he rang his doorbell and demanded food. I didn't respond immediately because i was short of breath, he pressed the button 4-5x until i finally regained a bit of energy to punch the chair beside me and immediately stood up. I shouted at him and told me my situation, he just shook his head and didn't even bother asking me if i was okay???

I didn't asked what was he want. I sat on the couch again and massaged the back of my head, until now my chest still hurting especially when im taking a deep breath.

Part of me doesn't want to go to the doctor for the treatment. If i die, i die. I dont care if I leave dad, maybe my siblings can finally step up to take care of him and realized how hard it is for me. Seriously, i want to end this and end my suffering. I also lost my quality of life and i'm fucking exhausted.

I feel frustrated, no one wants to help me. People around us such as neighbors and friends of my late mom doesn't want to go here in our house whenever i'm asking them a favor to look after my dad or keep him company. I even offered payment and free snacks but some of them have reasons and one of them told me "i'm afraid of your dad, he always post rants on facebook about us, we also have struggles and responsibilities."

That's what Im telling my dad to shut his mouth, keep his thoughts to himself or rant it to me cuz i'll listen. I even told him before not to post rants about them bec their world doesn't revolve around him/us, that they're also struggling. But he don't listen, even relatives like his cousin who used to go here in our house so i can take a well deserve day off suddenly stopped going here and found out he cursed that cousin of his.

I understand him, he's deteriorating physically and mentally but who can i rely on now that no one wants to help me to look after him? I can't even go outside to watch my favorite band's concert at the cinema, that simple thing i can't do and it's frustrating, he doesn't care about my well being, mental health and feelings. And he's wondering why i always snap at him especially one time i throw his meds on his face. It's not intentional i swear, i was mad, i feel the burnout.

Note: i can't afford private caregiver for dad that's why i have no option. Care for elderly are not prioritize in the country i'm living in.

Sorry for my bad english

The guilt is eating me but I'm so fucking exhausted, he is exhausted from his chronic illness too. We've been visiting hospital 3-4x a week since January, our energy and resources are also draining. It's very exhausting.

I always pray to God to take him, I love my father I really do but it pains me seeing him suffer everyday. Am i a bad daughter? 💔