AITA for not taking my boyfriend on a Vacation?
Hi everyone,
I (26F) need a reality check about my BF (27M). We’ve been together almost 2 years and met during postgrad in Germany.
I recently got laid off, and dealing with visa issues + job hunting in a foreign country has been stressful. I do have savings (enough for about a year max), but I’m being careful since I currently have zero income. I’m actively applying and have had a few interviews, just no offers yet.
Before I lost my job, we had talked about doing a comfortable week-long Italy trip for his birthday. After the layoff, I told him I’m not comfortable spending that kind of money right now. He knows my situation.
The problem is—he wouldn’t let it go. He kept pushing for the vacation and didn’t like any alternatives I suggested (celebrating locally, a smaller trip in Germany, even him going solo). He even suggested I use my savings or my government support money because otherwise his birthday and “summer would be wasted.”
This led to silent treatment, mood swings, and passive-aggressive comments leading up to his birthday. I still tried to make it nice- we did a beer garden lunch and went to his favorite bakery (I paid for everything). Feeling guilty, I also suggested we could plan a smaller trip in June once I feel more stable, and he seemed happy with that.
But then, recently, I was checking my savings, and he saw how much amount I had, he goes:
"If you wanted to, you could have spent the money for my birthday trip. You had it—you just didn’t want to."
That really got to me. I already feel low and stressed, and when I’ve tried to open up about feeling depressed or wanting help, he laughs it off and says it’s “all in my head” and I overthink.
Last night, I didn’t even argue back because I didn’t want to start another fight. I just cried myself to sleep next to him while he thinks everything is completely normal.
So.. AITA for ot taking my boyfriend on a Vacation?