My parents won’t allow me to get married for another 5 years and now my mom is making my life miserable and I’m stuck.
Sorry this is long in advance but I need help please.
Some background of my story; I got engaged to a close family friend from my home country last year. This man I have known since childhood. We liked each other from a young age but our parents wouldn’t allow us to get engaged or anything because we were t33nagers and in highschool(makes a lot of sense) and my father basically said that he didn’t like his family. In the last 8 years we never spoke to each other not once. Last year, our duas were answered and my dad said yes (by force from my mother). It wasn’t until recently we actually got engaged.
Him and I have grown closer to allah by so much and matured so much in the last 8 years on our own. We both graduated college as well. I will also start working soon inshallah. Mashallah his character is that which I had always prayed for. He is serious about us.
The problem lies here: my father basically said that we can get our nikkah done a couple of months ago. However, upon learning that I had not applied to dental school even after being out of college for 2 years, he threw a fit. He told my mom that she’s not allowed to get her nikkah done anymore. He called me a dirty woman and many other things. Both him and my mom collectively shat on me and called me a failure. My father wants me to become a dentist now before I get married. Mind you, my nikkah dress has already been made as well. He’s saying that I have to wait 4-5 years. He forbade me from going to Pakistan as well until then, since that’s where my fiancé is.
After much force from my mom in the last few weeks (the guy I’m engaged to his mom is close to my mom) my father finally spoke to fiancés father and made it official and we made it public. Now, my mother has told me that if I don’t go to dental school and become a dentist, my father said he’ll break our engagement. My father also said that engagements and nikkahs get broken all the time it’s not a big deal. My mother is scared of my father cause she’s the one who allowed us to start talking again and my dad says I am not serious about school cause I’m distracted now. My father blames my mother for me not going to dental school cause I’m “distracted” and don’t want to study anymore which is not true. I was pushed into the dental field last minute by my father and had no idea what I was doing. He made me change career paths 3x. Now my mother is abusing me because she says that I’m ruining her life cause our father blames my mother all the time and gives her a hard time. She said I’m making her life hell. She called me soooo many bad names and hit me so many times. I hate her. She’s mentally unstable and stopped taking her antidepressants. I want to get away from everyone.
My mother won’t let me study in peace for my entrance exam. She’s always breathing down my neck checking to see if I’m studying or talking to my fiancé. She called me all sorts of bad names and hit me because I would try to discuss with her when we can get our nikkah done. Everytime I try to talk to her she explodes on me. I can’t say anything to her without her turning it into a screaming fest. I’m so so tired. I’m so tired.
My father has also abused my mom mentally and emotionally her entire life so she knows that he will make her life miserable if I don’t become a dentist because my mom is the one who pushed for this engagement in the first place while he didn’t want to. He believes that after marriage you can’t study.
How am I supposed to not get upset about the fact that I have to wait 5 years to start my life with this person? Is it my fault that mother allowed me to unblock him and speak to him and now I want to have a halal relationship with him and so does he. She called me a thirsty wh*** who’s crazy for marriage.
Btw, my mom did the same exact thing to my older sister who wanted to get married (she finally got married after a year of fighting with my parents). My father was saying absolutely no to the marriage cause he didn’t like the guy. But my older sister had enough as my father had rejected every proposal for my sister and he also said to her she can’t get married until she finishes becoming a pharmacist. They did far worse to her as well. Everyday would be screaming and crying in our house.
I’m at my wits end. She has verbally and emotionally abusing me like this for months now. I want to dissappear. Usually I’m mentally strong but I’m now at my breaking point. I’m gonna start going to the library to study just so I can get away from her.