I would love advice on how to have a calm and direct conversation about this with my husband.
I (30F) and my husband (37M) work in the same industry. We have completely different job roles , I am a manager and he works in tech / camera. He has only worked 2 weeks this year. I understand our industry is very hard to hold a job… but I work 24/7 and am always in the office. I will say I am very career driven, a hard worker and if I wrap on a show I’m already looking for the next job opportunity. I’ve always been like this. Unfortunately, I am starting to get turned off and irritated with him just sitting at home all day, going to the gym and spending money on hobbies (money he says he doesn’t have to do date nights, etc) while I am in the office for 8-9 hours a day and come home to the house not cleaned to my liking. It’s hard to even relax with him when I get home because all I’m thinking about is how he just does “nothing” all day. I will say, we split our mortgage evenly, I dont rely on him to live. Then he pays for utilities but I buy all our groceries and cleaning supplies, etc that is needed for our house. Safe to say it’s very fair, maybe even me paying a little more.. which is fine, I make great money.
How do I bring up this up to him in a delicate way ? I hate feeling like this but I don’t want it to get to the point I lash out at him. I want to see him trying, or have some ambition to find a job, literally anything to make money. When I try and bring up getting a job, he shuts down and gets defensive about us spending money cause he has to go into his savings.. but it doesn’t have to be like this. He says he wants to get out of the industry when we have kids , but that involves schooling or working hours. I don’t even see him researching new career paths, or just trying to have a job not in his “field” just to make money . It’s getting to the point he’s trying to be frugal with our honeymoon and that’s a huge turn off to me especially because my parents paid for our whole wedding a few months ago.
He’s a great man, I see so much potential in him.. I want this conversation to be a healthy one, one where we come to a solution and not just start a huge argument. But I am getting to a breaking point that i am very worried to even start a family with him , and he knows I want to step down a little in my industry so I can try and raise my family. I will always have a job, that is just me, but I want to feel like I can lean on my partner when I’m pregnant, postpartum, etc.
Sorry for the rant, but I really appreciate any advice♥️