Am I misreading this girl’s mixed signals or could she actually like me? (17F and 17F)
I (17F) am in my final year of school and I think I might like this girl in my year, but I genuinely can’t tell if I’m reading too much into things or not.
For context, I’m bisexual but I’ve never actually liked a real person that I know, only fictional characters, celebrities or random once off people that I thought where hot, so this is all really new to me.
I’ve known this girl (let’s call her J) since Year 8, but we only became friends properly late last year. This year something changed, we started talking more, developed banter, and began having deeper and sometimes flirty conversations (One of our first conversations we had was actually about types, and I got a good grasp on the types of girls she’s likes. Girls like KATSEYE, but I’m not like them at all, appearance or personality. When I jokingly called her out that all her crushes where skinny and different ethnicity to her, she actually admitted she had crush on a girl, let’s call her M, who in every way in appearance looked like me). She’s genuinely one of the funniest and kindest people I know, and I always end up smiling around her.
The confusing part is that she’s told me herself that she has a naturally flirty personality and that it’s caused issues before because people thought she liked them when she didn’t.
Still, there are moments that feel different. In ensembles we’ll catch each other’s eye across the room and pull faces or stick our tongues out at each other. At first, if our arms brushed she’d pull away, but now she doesn’t really move, or sometimes she’s the one initiating that kind of contact without making a big deal of it. She’s also opened up to me about really personal things involving religion, sexuality, and past failed relationships with friends.
When it’s just the two of us, the vibe feels really good. Recently we had a 30-minute drive together where we just talked and laughed the whole time, and she told me I “bring out her freak” and she’s freaky with me because she wants matches my energy. I’ve also done small thoughtful things (like drawn her a picture that she said she’ll put in her room, or when she hurt herself I made a bouquet of her favourite candy, or when it was her birthday and I got her a dinosaur plush, a fact (that she liked dinosaurs) I remembered since year 9) for her and she reacted really emotionally and gratefully.
But there’s another girl in the picture (I’ll call her O), and honestly this is where I get confused. O is one of J’s closest friends, but not close enough to be in her inner-inner circle, at least that’s what I interpreted. Even when J’s other, closer friends are with her they sometimes seem fade into the background when O‘s around. J and O always seem very close, they hug constantly (from the front and behind, and it’s almost always J holding O from behind), hold hands, lie on each other, and J will literally lay in O’s lap.
There was also this performance rehearsal where O was playing the female love interest, but the guy playing the male lead was absent, so J stepped in to play him. During a romantic scene, O couldn’t remember if the characters were supposed to hold hands, and J insisted they should “just do it.” Later when another girl offered to take over the role, J jokingly said, “No, I’m playing the male love interest.” Everyone laughed, including J, but I couldn’t tell if there was something slightly real underneath the joke.
At the same time, O apparently once directly asked J if she liked her and J said no, and I’m also pretty sure O is straight (This info came from J herself during one of our deep conversations early in the friendship.)
With me, J is comfortable, but in a different way. She doesn’t really drape herself all over me like she does with O, but she’ll share things with me naturally. One time I laid my head in her lap and she just looked down and said “comfy?” in this soft joking tone. If I leave things around, like gum, she’ll casually help herself to it. Once she wanted to sleep and I gave her a stuffed toy I sometimes bring to school when I’m stressed, and she seemed genuinely grateful for it.
There are also these smaller moments that stick with me. One time I offered her the last piece of my snack because she didn’t have food. She said she couldn’t take my last piece, but I insisted, and after taking it she found out I actually did want it, so she broke it in half and gave half back to me. Another time, I was jokingly annoying her (other people were doing the same thing), but afterwards I felt genuinely bad and started apologising and crying. She touched my arm and reassured me that it was okay and that I hadn’t done anything wrong, and she started crying too because she‘s an empath. But during that moment, O had been with her and ran off while I was apologising, and after comforting me J said she had to go find O again.
I know my feelings are real because recently I had the chance to get a guy’s number (A guy, who I previously was interested in, but missed my chance to get his number because I chickened out) and realised I genuinely didn’t want to, because I only really had eyes for her.
Now I just feel stuck because sometimes it feels like there’s genuinely something there between us, but other times I feel invisible, especially when O is around. I can’t tell if J acts differently with me because she sees me romantically, and it’s just that she and O are really good friends, or if I’m just fooling myself (because I don’t know the signs of someone liking me) and she’s into O.
Am I misreading this whole thing? My friend who have been in relationships (both hetero and homosexual) say they see signs, (from both me and J) but I don’t know if I should trust everything they say, only because they are so much younger than me. Does this sound like she could actually like me, or is she just a naturally affectionate/flirty person?
Any advice would really help because I feel like I’m going in circles in my own head. I want to confess soon, before the end of school, because I’m worried we won’t stay in contact afterward, but I don’t want to risk ruining the friendship with so much time before school ends.