u/Fair-Fall8036

Hi everyone

Im 4 months postpartum and have dealt with PPA unofficially diagnosed until today. It was manageable with 5 mg of Lexapro but the intrusive thoughts have gotten so much worse and darker in the past month for reasons I don't understand. It's like having a dark passenger telling me all these horrible things about harming my baby and saying mean things to my baby. I have absolutely so desire or intention to hurt my baby I would hurt myself before I would ever harm my baby but when the dark passenger started saying "kill her" I freaked tf out and called my doctor and they had me do a zoom meeting with a male psychiatrist who with best intentions I didn't feel like he understood my situation but anyways he is putting me on 2.5 mg of Olanzapine and increasing my Lexapro to 10 mg. He says the Olanzapine will curb the intensity of the intrusive thoughts but I've read there can be a lot of negative side effects of this medication like significant weight gain, emotional numbness. Has anyone gone on Olanzapine and found it to be effective for intrusive thoughts ? Again I love my baby with fiber of my being and would never ever hurt her but these intrusive thoughts are making me scared of myself and spiking my anxiety so I really want this medicine change to work

Not seeking advice just want to rant because my LO is almost 16 weeks old and since she has been born our house has had people over at least every other weekend. I understand that when you have a baby everyone wants to meet them but my husband and I are natural introverts and really prefer the solitude of our home but we feel like we constantly are hosting people either from my side or his side of the family. I recently got diagnosed with PPA so that definitely has a part to play in it but I'm exhausted from all the small talk and hosting because people want to see my baby and that includes my mother who I would get a text from maybe once every 3 months before I was pregnant and suddenly since my baby was born she's trying to come over almost every 2 weeks and our relationship is not like that (for a multitude of reasons ) . I am wondering when does the new baby hype die down and when can my husband and I finally enjoy some really peace and quiet on the weekends? Do I have to wait past the 1 year mark because I might lose my mind 🫠

TLDR : Sick of hosting people who constantly want to come see the baby just want the hype to die down and be left alone