AITAH if I buy my sister a DNA test?
I (30ishF) am thinking of buying my half sister (20ishF) a DNA test as an ‘innocent’ gift… but the truth is I’m the only person who knows there is a question when it comes to paternity. Apologies for the long story
Backstory: Our mom had her moments when she was an amazing mother, but ultimately she is a deeply traumatized women with boarder line, and has made many bad choices when it came to raising my sister and myself. She had me at 19, my dad was 25. She and my dad broke up before I was 2, likely due to abuse on his part. My dad was never really present in my childhood, in and out of jail, and rarely helped finically, and had completely disappeared by the time I was in middle school.
My mom started dating my sister’s ‘dad’ when I was around 3, and they had a toxic on and off again relationship . They were actually broken up and he had already started seeing someone new when my mom found out she was pregnant. By the time my mom was about 7 months pregnant, we all moved in to a new house and were playing happy family. My sister’s dad went to jail when she was less than a year old and spent about a year in.
The thing is… my sister’s ‘dad’ had cancer, and between the chemo and having 1/2 of the family jewels surgically removed, he isn’t supposed to be able to have children. My mom is also short on reproductive organs after complications from an ectopic pregnancy a few years prior. The story is my sister is a miracle baby… but there is more to the story that only I know.
My mom definitely wasn’t single during the breaks, like she claimed. She was hooking up with ‘uncle’ (fathered a child with my dad’s sister). He was one of my dad’s best friends so when my dad wasn’t around he would sometimes step in and help on behalf of my dad. It really isn’t as noble as it sounds, the help was often him gifting us stolen goods or coming over to help with a task but drinking the entire time and typically giving up on actually helping about 2 beers in. He was also in and out of jail, and at the time was a total deadbeat to the two kids he already had. He ended up having 4 kids in total so I know the man is fertile!
I also unfortunately also know my mom never uses birth control of any sort, including condoms, and depends entirely on the rhythm method.
I was young so I don’t remember all the details, but my ‘uncle’ showed up with about 6 months worth of diapers after he found out my sister’s dad had been arrested, and he helped on a few other occasions while my sisters dad was in jail.
My sister’s dad and my uncle look VERY much alike. I have always had my suspicions that my uncle is my sister’s bio dad, but kept them to myself not seeing how the information would benefit my sister at all, with her being my priority. I was in high school and she in primary school at the time I put everything together and started suspecting.
This brings us to current day
I always figured I would tell her what I knew when she was old enough, but I kinda forgot about it over the years, but was recently reminded. I love her but my sister and I aren’t close. Between the age difference, physical distance, and the things our mom would say about me after I moved out, it is what it is. Now that she is grown, a homeowner, and about to get married I think she is ‘old enough’ now, but we definitely don’t have the type of relationship where this info can come from me.
My husband and I were gifted one of those DNA kits from his mom a few years back and it’s been an interesting way to learn about our heritage. That’s where I got the idea of gifting my sister the same kit as a gift. Hopefully it just proves her dad is her dad and there never needs to be any drama. Worst case she has the info and it’s hers to do with what she wants.
TLDR: I’m the only person who knows there is a question to who my sister’s dad is. Should I just leave it all alone and let her live her life, or does she have the right to know if her dad might not be her biological father?