TL;DR: I’m a 27‑year‑old living in a house my uncle owns with my 26‑year‑old cousin, who pays a share of bills but treats chores like a suggestion. He works overnight shifts and spends his off hours drinking (2–3 canned cocktails or a fifth of whiskey/vodka), blasting TV/games, and leaving dishes, greasy pans, laundry and trash for me unless I write tasks on a whiteboard. He’s left buckets / bins / containers of used motor oil in the garage since 2023–2024, leaves the stove and water on, smokes inside, and parks two sedans (one unused since October 2025) poorly so there’s no room for my car. I want my girlfriend of five months to move in and split expenses/chores, but I’m embarrassed by the chaos and worry about confronting my cousin about cleaning up and making space. Am I expecting too much by wanting him to act like an adult before she moves in, and how have others set boundaries with similar roommates?
I’m a 27‑year‑old guy sharing a house with my 26‑year‑old cousin. My uncle owns the place and plans to give it to me, so there’s no lease; we just split utilities, groceries, taxes, and basic maintenance.
In theory, it’s an easy setup. In practice, it’s been a nightmare. My cousin works long shifts at a warehouse and gets home around 7 a.m. From then until he goes to sleep, his routine is:
Watch the TV or video games
Drink 2–3 Monaco canned cocktails… or polish off a fifth of whiskey or vodka in two days.
Stumble to the bathroom every 15 minutes because he’s been drinking since sunrise.
He treats chores like a suggestion. I have to write everything on a whiteboard if I want anything done. If it’s not written down, he pretends it doesn’t exist. Even when it is written down, he’s on his own timeline:
Dishes: He’ll leave them for a week and then wash one or two at a time while insisting he’s “working on it.” We agreed whoever’s turn it is handles all the dishes—but he thinks spreading it out over 7 days counts as doing his share.
Garbage & yard: He won’t mow the lawn until I literally put “mow lawn” on the board, no matter how long or overgrown it is. He has buckets of used oil sitting in the garage since late 2023-2024, and he’s left an old car battery outside the garage door for weeks.
General cleanliness: If he “cleans” the fridge, he only throws away trash; I end up scrubbing all the shelves myself. He’ll wash dishes but never wipe down the counters or sink. He leaves greasy pans and mitts out, leaves his laundry piles in the basement for months, and used to smoke weed in his room even after I asked him to smoke outside (he stopped for a month and then went back to doing it, just put a towel under the door).
Safety is an issue too. He at times left the stove burner on after cooking. He leaves the water slightly on for hours at a time. He’ll sweep the garage with the door open, then unintentionally jam the broom between the rails; when I pointed out that could snap the rollers, he laughed. He once left the fire on the stove overnight, and I had noticed at 12 that the burner was on since 8am.
He’s also turned my two‑car driveway into a parking lot. In October 2025 he bought a second sedan that he hasn’t touched since—just sitting in the driveway needing an emissions fix. Between that and his daily driver, there’s no space for anyone else. He parks the car at times very poorly where I question if he had hit my car or if I’m going to hit the bricks to my light post with my rims since he didn’t allow me enough space. The street has just one car’s worth of curb, and I hate blocking the garbage collectors. We could fit four cars between the driveway and garage if he parked properly, but he never does.
Now I want my girlfriend of 5 months to move in. She’s already here six days a week, and if she moves in for real she’ll cover 1/3 of the expenses and chores. She’s tidy and considerate, and honestly I’m embarrassed to subject her to this chaos. I also need room for her car, which means my cousin needs to get rid of one of his unused cars or start parking on the street. He barely leaves his room except to drink or hang out at a bar, so I don’t know how he’d even react.
I’ve tried talking to him, writing everything down, even showing him how to clean properly, but it doesn’t stick. I’m beyond frustrated and don’t want to be the bad guy when I ask him to shape up and that my girlfriend is going to move in. If you’ve dealt with a similar situation, how did you set boundaries or convince your roommate to respect the house? Am I overreacting by expecting him to act like a functional adult before I bring my girlfriend into this?