Maybe the trauma I thought wasn't a trauma and now it's hampering
Hii, starting straight to the point
There was a phase that was immensely dark where I got with several problems including the health issues that was so miserable that I could barely eat, all I needed was my parents support at that time and their love, won't deny they were best, they did everything, including visiting doctors alongside me and all but I needed love but somewhere it lacked behind and there on the other hand my boyfriend who was my support system, I could just rely on him cause he showed love but unfortunately while I was dealing with all of it, he left saying he wants to focus on his career. I tried to convince him several times yet I failed.
After that I never got attached to anyone for the few years but suddenly I found someone who showed care at the beginning, made me fall for his gestures after such a long phase of my past relationship and then once I was into him, I liked the way he was so affectionate to me, until one day when I asked him that shall we be together and he just responded that we don't have a future and ik we don't, but yk he can't let me go, like if I try to leave he just brings me back. Like I also try to distance but I can't
I just miss him and I go back, and vice versa
Now, all these are hampering me in such a way I can't even explain. I feel helpless at time, the fear of abondment stays forever. I hate attacks most of the time, there's more that happened but rn these stuffs keeps revolving around my mind
What shall I do???