u/Fabulous_Knowledge63

I know feeling like a paradox is part of the struggle of having both autism and ADHD but I’m curious how many experience this.

I miss social cues. I miss things in normal conversation that others can pick up on. So why do I sometimes feel like I can read things that others can’t? I can read body language and facial expressions. I can tell when someone is lying. I just “know” things that others miss about people. I have concluded that someone is a bad person before having all of the information and have yet to be wrong. My boyfriend agrees it’s almost like a super power. Sometimes I get feelings that something bad is going to happen and it does. Anyone else have this experience?

I had never felt this way before.
The exhaustion is so intense. I can’t do the simplest things. Responding to text messages, even verbally answering a question. Even when I’m low I can usually force myself to do the bare minimum. Brush my teeth, do one load of laundry, eat, drink water. I simply can’t. I have no other explanation I just can’t. I did take my meds last night but only after laying in bed telling myself to do it for an hour and it keeping me awake. I have a very busy job and I can’t get anything done. It took every fiber of my being to just show up today so I don’t get fired. What do I do? I’m pushing everyone in my life away. My partner is usually very supportive but he’s growing frustrated. My job is incredibly demanding and I’m so burnt out from masking. I’m sure everyone has figured me out and it’s draining the life from me. I finally have what I’ve worked so hard for my whole life and now that I’m here I don’t know how I can possibly maintain this level of pressure.

I’m 41. Diagnosed at 38 with ADHD. It was life changing. All the emotions, feeling bad for my former self for struggling in secret for so many years. Medication try outs. For once something made sense. I made sense. I wanted to learn, I wanted to talk to anyone who would talk about it. As time has gone on Im realizing that it’s so much more than ADHD. My partner will joke sometimes about me being autistic and I didn’t think much of it because I didn’t take offense and I just think of it on the same spectrum as ADHD. It’s not all that different. But now I feel completely differently. It’s actually true. I am autistic. I don’t know why saying that feels so heavy. I hate that I feel shame, but I do. I have been masking my entire life. I have a job I am finally proud of but I’m at my usual breaking point where I feel like everyone is on to me and I am under too much pressure. I have faked my entire way through life. I did not develop a person I have no idea who I even am. I’m whoever I need to be. I don’t know how to be any other way. It’s the best and worst feeling when you realize that not everyone experiences life like this. It’s not this hard for most.