u/FabulousConfidant21

It feels like my brain is fucking falling apart, i have nothing and nobdody, not even myself. My brain is dissolving, im losing the abillity to play the piano, i feel so much despair, and it feels like im loosing every productive outlet!!! I just wanna punch myself, or run into a wall really hard. Im losing my abillity to maintain and make friends, i just wanna run outside my dorm and yell at everyone, fucking force them to look at me, really i wanna just dissapear, ive become this disgusting fucking useless husk of a human!!!! I wish someone FUCKING ANYONE IN MY CHILDHOOD KNEW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF ME, I HAVE THE MOST LOVING PARENTS AND YET I WAS SOMEHOW TOO DIFFICULT FOR THEM. I feel irreparably damaged, my brain has literally turned to mush, i can’t distinguish between anything. I used to be smart, i could do so much, learn so fast, now i can’t do anything… i can’t do anything i can’t do anything. My whole head just hurts, everything happening all the time, im scared im everywhere and i can’t bare to be hereeeeee. I really hope i wasn’t bound to be a waste, my eyes are pretty, they remind me of the pretty notes i used to play. I mean for fuck sakes, bow hard is it to tell ur kid needs help when he periodically sweeps the house for cameras, monitors the network activity, WHEN REFUSES TO MEET FRIENDS CAUSE HE THINKS THEYRE PLOTTING TO MURDER HIM, when he thinks he’s creating the future by writing out numerous number sequences. When he spends hours crying cause he thought he was transforming into some kinda demon. Sure, i knew it was ridicolous and i hid it but for fuck sakeeeee i was distressed, i am distressed, it’s not normal for someone to be as distressed as me, it’s not normal for a child to never find any sort of emotional reassurance in anyone or antyhing even when hes sorrounded by people who love him. I feel like the burden of keeping me sane is just too much for anyone, i did everything to make everyone love me, i really wanna be loved but im tired im sooo fucking tired, fuck punctuation fuck everything, im really fucking sad and im tired, i can never fall asleep and i really hate myself. I really miss the people i loved that loved me, i really miss the mentors that loved me, i really hate how my professor probably thinks im a lazy burden on the education system, im tired of pretending I expect to live past 25.

[M21]Anybody wanna help me choose tinder pics??

I can’t do anything so im venting on reddit like an old alceholic at the train-station.