Depression Vent
I really could use some advice on coping skills or encouragement or something. I have depression and anxiety. I’m medicated but I’m still struggling a lot.
I’m in my final few weeks of college before graduation, and I’m project manager of our thesis show. I’m also trying to work a job (I’m a manager there too) enough to pay rent while being a full time student. I am just barely making enough money to scrape by paycheck to paycheck. I’m exhausted all the time but I feel like I’m not doing enough to feel that way. I’ve been struggling so much to get out of bed and even more so to do any work for school. I just feel this horrible weight on my chest and I can’t stop crying. I feel so guilty because I have a very rich life and I feel like I shouldn’t feel like this. I’m also just so scared about graduating. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t a student, it’s new and scary. The world feels like it’s on fire and that I won’t be able to make enough money to get rid of my student debt or buy a house or start a family. I didn’t do any school work today so I feel like I’m slacking and being lazy and of course there’s always that fear in the back of my mind that I will prevent myself from graduating. This upcoming month is jam packed to the point where I feel like I can’t handle it.
To add another layer I have been struggling ongoing with PCOS and have not been taking care of myself. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and the body image issues that come with that are really painful.
I don’t have enough money for therapy but I don’t want to put so much of this on my loved ones. I have the most incredible partner and I feel like I’m just making his life harder than it should be. Does anyone have any podcasts/books/music/coping skills/recommendations/ or advice for me to get through this difficult time?