Want Hormones But…
I’m an afab nonbinary Demi man. I want hormones and have even been dreaming of the surgery but I am scared I’m not valid enough. I feel connected to womanhood as I was forced into skirts and dresses until I was 19 years old. I was forced into this because of a minority religion and as a result, i felt evil for feeling like I was in the LGBTQ community. Anyway, I feel mostly woman internally but I also feel a sliver of a male soul slowly growing again inside my spirit. Last year, I had raging dysphoria for male characteristics, feelings and even my sense of internal self was a man. I go to a day program, hang out with a lot of guys and am relearning how to feel my manhood again. However, I feel like it’s been so long that my male side is going to be dormant forever. I don’t know how to reawaken my soul. I know deep way down I’m not entirely a woman but I feel like the man inside of me is drowning because of me not allowing it to come out for so long. I am not going to pursue hormones or surgery until I figure shit out. Does anyone have advice for me?