26M in an Arrange Marriage setup with 26F, meeting with her feels everything is perfect but virtually its too different, should I move on?
Background:
I (26M) am currently in the US and have been in an arranged marriage (AM) setup with a woman 26F, since late January Biodatas were exchanged and we started chatting regularly. The conversation was healthy and things felt promising early on.
How it started:
While I was in India on vacation, we began texting and it felt natural. She was a bit awkward when I suggested a call but I didn’t read too much into it. After I returned to the US around end of February, she asked me out for our first meet. Everything went well — good vibes, easy conversation, no awkwardness in person.
I asked her out the very next week for a second meet because I genuinely wanted to get to know her better. That also went well.
Where it started getting confusing:
After our 2nd meet, there were no texts from her side for almost 2 straight weeks. I eventually reached out and the conversation was fine — casual and ongoing — but I was always the one initiating. Every time I texted her, she would take hours to reply, even after work hours. She never once asked me how my day was going or initiated a simple check-in. For someone looking for a life partner, that felt like a bare minimum that was missing.
The gap between our 2nd and 3rd meet stretched to almost a month — again with me initiating all the texting. It started feeling very one-sided.
Before our 3rd meet I brought it up — told her the gaps were too long, that there was no real effort virtually, and that I needed at least some basic consistency. Her response surprised me. She said she thought I was “too cool to be bothered” so she kept things casual and didn’t want to come across as too eager. She admitted this wasn’t normal behaviour for her.
That conversation felt like a breakthrough. We discussed that we needed to talk more seriously and do regular calls, which we both agreed upon
Our 3rd meet was genuinely great. Everything felt natural and in place. But after that meet? Same pattern. Daily texting for a bit, then hours-long gaps in replies, and now it’s been 3 weeks with zero initiation from her side for a 4th meet. I have asked her out twice already. She sometimes casually mentions future plans — things we’d do “if we end up together” — but she never actually takes the step to make something happen.
Where I stand now:
It’s almost May. We’ve had only 3 meets since February. Every time we meet in person it feels like the pieces fall into place. But virtually it feels like I’m talking to someone who’s only half present. We discussed doing regular calls — nothing has happened. We discussed meeting more frequently — I’m still the only one asking.
She’s had a serious relationship before (3 years) that ended due to family reasons, so I understand she might be guarded. She also mentioned she felt the meets were “too casual” and she wanted deeper moments — but she doesn’t seem to be actively creating those moments either.
I nearly quit before our 3rd meet because of the month-long gap and one-sided effort. Something told me to give it one more shot. The meet was great. But here I am again, in the same loop.
TLDR: 26M in AM setup with 26F since January. 3 meets over 3+ months — all great in person. Virtually she barely initiates texts, never asks how my day is, doesn’t initiate meets, and takes hours to reply. We’ve discussed this and she agreed things need to change but nothing has. I nearly walked away before but the in-person connection keeps pulling me back. Looking for honest outside perspectives.