Hi. I have been battling internally with this for a long time - when I ask friends, family, colleagues about it, it's always very polar answers - either YES DEFINITELY or NO ITS NOT YOUR PLACE.
I am currently 34F. When I was 19 I had a group of uni friends, we would go out most nights and hang out often. There was a girl named Beccy and she was dating a guy named John. They had been dating a few years when I met them. I felt close to both of them at the time. One day, the group finds out that they have broken up. Beccy disappears for a few months. Girls who went to school with her say the last time she broke up with a guy, she didn't come to school for weeks and weeks. It must be how she deals with breakups. John doesn't hang around with us anymore, he moves overseas a few years later. I only know this because we are still friends on Facebook.
Then, Beccy rejoins the group (partying, holidays etc) and all is forgotten. She was often late to things, or wouldn't show up. She would never go on group overseas trips but would go on short weekend holidays. But we were all in our early 20s and it never really crossed my mind that this was strange. We all hang out for a few more years until we go our seperate ways - overseas, different cities, new jobs, new friends.
I hear from a close friend that Beccy had cut everyone from that group off - blocked them on everything and wouldn't talk to anyone. No reason given. Strange but, I wasn't really friends with them anymore. One girl (who I am still close with) was very upset by this as they were close. She is the one that told me what happened next.
Turns out - Beccy had fallen pregnant way back when we were 19. She HID THE BABY from EVERYONE. The only people that knew were her parents. They helped raise this child in secret.
Friends would go over to her house (where Beccy, her child and her parents lived) and the parents would take the child out so no one saw her. She never took this child anywhere because she was worried someone might recognise her. She picked schools that were far away so her teacher friends wouldn't figure it out. Beccy would buy presents for her and when asked by her friends who they were for, she would say the girl she babysat next door.
Beccy had multiple boyfriends who never knew about the child. I don't know how she hid it. Finding this out, I just feel an immense sadness for this child.
It all came unravelled when the child was around 10. Beccy was dating a guy and he accidentally found out about her daughter. Or her parents had enough and told him - I'm not sure what happened. Whatever it was, he found out. She begged and pleaded for him not to tell anyone. But he ended up telling his best mate, who told someone else etc etc.
Beccy then sent the same message to everyone in the uni group from way back and her friends she still spoke to. It basically explained the whole story. Her explanation for not telling anyone was that "she didn't want the judgement of a teen pregnancy and didn't want anyone to treat her differently". She sent some photos of the child and said she would love for her to meet people now that it's out in the open.
As you can imagine, this was huge news and really effected the people involved. I was out of the group, never saw many of the people, and so I didn't think much of it.
This is the crazy part - I spoke to my friend about it when she got the message and she told me that John doesn't know about his child. Yes, the child is definitely John's - they look exactly the same and the timelines line up. Now, this REALLY didn't sit well with me at all. But, I was far removed from the group, and hadn't spoken to John for about 10 years and he lived overseas. I could list a million reasons but I guess I was also scared of what would happen if I told him.
The reason I am posting about this now is that John has moved back to our hometown from overseas. I found out from Facebook. BUT, turns out, we are both in the same industry. I saw his name on an industry event in a few weeks. I freaked out. What do I do when I see him? Do I tell him? Is it my place? I have kids of my own now and everything hits a bit harder. He deserves to know. His daughter deserves to know her father. She is around 15 years old now. Or should I just stay out of it?
TLDR; Friend hid baby from father and all her friends for years. I will see the father in a few weeks. Should I tell him?