Newly married, falling apart.
My wife (f31) and I (m31) got married 6 months ago, after 6 years of dating, and it's falling apart. We're an interracial marriage, I'm white and she's black. She seems to have an anger problem, initiating physical fights, and breaking things, mostly my things. This was a very early-on situation in our relationship, partly due to her upbringing, and mostly due to baggage from a toxic previous relationship, that we went to individual therapy over, and couples therapy, and had 5 solid years of a healthy, non-abusive relationship.
However, within 2 months of our marriage, I got laid off from my job, had an extremely hard time getting re-hired in my profession, eventually got hired part time retail, and decided to start my own contracting business. She's only ever had to pay half of the bills for 4 months, I've found a way to at least pay my half, and within the last month of starting my own company, I've generated over $8k, even though uncle Tom will take 25% of that, I'd say I'm doing better.
Since I've gotten laid off, whenever she gets upset, she resorts to throwing me under the bus, calling me a broke deadbeat, and saying she doesn't want to be married to me anymore, only for her to come cuddling up against me all sad and apologizing when her temper subsides. In the past she's threatened to call the cops on me to get me out of the apartment because she doesn't like me in that moment. She's expressed wanting to ram into the back of people's cars when drivers in front of her are braking unnecessarily, and has instigated too many road rage incidences. So - pretty clear on the anger issues.
She dropped her therapist for no reason, and seems to have relapsed to her old toxic habits. I can't and won't keep paying to replace things around the apartment just because she had a fit, and I certainly won't continue to have a "divorce" carrot dangled above my head. She now refuses to communicate, and tell me whatever's on her mind. I've asked her about her having an affair, but she's a really bad liar, she denies it, and I really don't think that's the case.
We're in a mountain of credit card and student loan debt, and I've discovered that I carry a genetic malformation, so we shouldn't have kids naturally if we don't want to have one with potentially serious complications.
I know this isn't where she saw herself at 31, neither financially nor maternally.
Is this something that can be worked out, or should we just call it quits? Because I'm not going to live my life with a partner that doesn't have my back like I have hers, and I'm certainly not going to live life like I ruined my own wife's dreams.
Tldr: wife probably holds bitterness toward me, but toxicity is getting a lot worse. Should we end it? Or push toward individual therapy and couples therapy again?