2024 Honda Accord (Sport, if it matters). I made out with the pole in my carport, and now my front bumper looks like this. What do I do about it? I assume it's not just safe to chalk up to aesthetics and ignore it?
As far as anyone knows (I have my doubts, but I'm technically diagnosed, so it is what it is) I'm autistic - which often comes with emotional dysregulation. Mine is severe. Ever since I was little, I've had meltdowns. If I get too angry or too frustrated, my distress skyrockets out of proportion and consumes me. All I can think about is how much pain I'm in, how much I hate my situation, and how much I hate myself. Partly because of these meltdowns, partly because I'm genuinely dumb as bricks, and partly because of growing up around emotionally unintelligent parents as a "weird kid", my self esteem is in the toilet.
So naturally, I go to therapy, hoping to learn some good ways to cope with my issues. At first, I get sent to this Christian counselor, because my parents are morons who don't think I need therapy. She can't help me, cue shocked reactions. I see a different therapist who insists I take medication, which I feel unable to do at the time because I'm terrified of how my parents will react. She can't help me either. I spend years in therapy, bouncing from therapist to therapist as they or I or both of us realize that they don't have what I need. The whole time, my worries that I am uniquely broken and worthless as a human being is getting gradually fed by this process.
Fast forward ten years. I wise up, and start telegraphing my issues to potential therapists as well as I possibly can. I tell them what my issues are; I tell them what I need. I tell them to, for the love of God, do not bother unless they are fully certain that they can help me, because I have been down this road before and genuinely cannot take it anymore. I have done this with multiple therapists. They say that they can help me; maybe some of them even actually believe it. They are all wrong.
Today, I had my last session with my most recent therapist. She wasn't able to offer me any insight except for the most banal, milquetoast grounding techniques and wellness advice, despite me asking for more insight and telling her I'm willing, ready, and able for the hard work. I'm not going to shovel my money into a hole. I'm done with her.
The closest I've had to therapy that worked was a DBT practitioner who was very strict and unempathetic, but genuinely knew her stuff. I left every session with passive suicidal ideation, but at least I was learning something.
Despite everything, I don't think I'm done with therapy. I want to be, so so so badly, but if I give up on therapy, it feels like giving up on myself. I don't want to validate my self-hatred, as warranted as I feel like it is. I want to stop having these meltdowns, or at the very least gain some control and ability to mitigate them. But don't know what else I could possibly expect. Surely if I've been trying so many different therapists for so long with no success, the fault has to lie with me, and I don't know how to fix it.
Any advice - on how to give up, or on how to find a therapist who can actually help instead of just lying about it - y'all have would be appreciated. I'm just... I'm so tired.