My (19F) boyfriend (19M) says he “can’t see himself getting close to me” but loves me?
I [19F] have been with my boyfriend for 6 months.
When we are together in person, it’s like a fairytale. He is genuinely the sweetest and most caring guy I’ve ever met.
The problem is the moments in between seeing each other.
He lives about a 40 minute drive away. In the 6 months we’ve been together, I’ve only seen him irl about 11 times. I’m a student with a lot of workload too, yet I’m always the one trying to coordinate schedules.
Last month, I noticed him pulling away. He was giving slower replies, zero enthusiasm.
When I asked him about it he got really emotional and said he’s "mad at himself for the distance he’s creating." He told me he’s "avoidant," scared to get too close, and "not good at relationships." He said he loved me and promised to work on it.
Fast forward to this month,I pointed out that 11 visits in 6 months for a 40-minute distance is making me miss him loads but i understand he’s busy. So i suggested calling more since we don't see each other, and his response was that he "doesn’t really like calling" and could maybe manage once a week.
I feel like he’s using the "avoidant" label as a shield so I can’t ask for basic consistency without it being "pressuring" him.
I don’t want to give up on someone I care about, but I feel like I’m asking for the bare minimum and getting told it’s too much. Is he actually scared of intimacy, or am I just a "convenience" girlfriend when he has nothing better to do?
TL;DR; My boyfriend (19) says he’s avoidant, scared of getting too close, and “bad at relationships.” He becomes distant over text/calls even though he’s very loving in person. We’ve only seen each other about 11 times in 6 months despite living 40 minutes apart, and when I asked for more calls he said maybe once a week. I can’t tell if this is genuine fear of intimacy or if he’s just not invested enoug