Looking for Advice: My Dad Still Won't Accept My 8-Year Relationship
This one is long but please, bare with me. Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective on what to do about my father. My girlfriend and I have been together for 8 years. Most of my family is supportive, but my dad is the only one who refuses to accept us. He even tells his siblings, "If it’s okay with you, it’s not okay with me."
At first, he used to talk to my girlfriend. But now, he treats her like she doesn't exist. Whenever she tries to show him respect (like doing the traditional bless/mano), he walks away or completely ignores her.
I have tried talking to him many times. We’ve had huge arguments because I just want him to show us basic respect. My girlfriend still respects him despite everything, but he remains stubborn. He even told his siblings, "They want me to respect them? I might just slap them. She hasn't proven anything yet," referring to me.
That comment really hurt. I just graduated with a BS in Civil Engineering and I just took the board exams. I thought things would get better once I graduated, but it actually got worse.
• He doesn't talk to me at all.
• He never checks on me while I'm away studying.
• When I'm home, he won't even invite me to eat.
• The Irony: He accepts my cousins who are also in same-sex relationships, but not me.
What makes this harder to understand is his own history. He has had involvements with men before, and we’ve seen him chatting with men or watching gay adult content on his phone.
He is also going through a lot of personal issues:
• He is currently unemployed due to some dishonesty at his past job.
• He is buried in debt and hiding from people.
• He might be bitter because my girlfriend helped provide for my school needs (like lending me her laptop) when he couldn't.
I feel so guilty because my girlfriend’s parents are incredibly kind to me. She doesn't deserve to be treated like "air" or garbage by my father. I’ve been holding onto the hope that once I pass the boards and start providing for the family, he will finally respect us.
What should I do?
Should I keep trying to earn his approval?
How do I protect my girlfriend from this treatment without cutting off my family?
Is his anger just a reflection of his own "fucked up" life?
I'm lost and tired. Any advice would be appreciated.