We've been together almost 19 years.
Married for 18.
We met when I was 18 and he was 41.
4 kids later, I am now 37 and he is 60.
About a month ago I decided to make a 125% commitment to investing in him, in us.
Our sex life was mediocre at best for... about 5-7 years, still active...I thought i was more...active ....giving, kinky than most women my age in marriages our length? It was..what you would expect for 10+ years of marriage with multiple kids etc.
A month ago after having a mental breakdown after discovering he was having mid-day masterbation sessions. I absolutely was sick.
I decided to do something about it.
That night we went 3 rounds.
And we did it every day 6 days in a row after that.
In a month...there have been...only 3 days we haven't had sex for 24 hours.
Still some days 2-3 times.
Im being spontaneous, coming home from work mid-day,
Bending over in laundry room during the day on weekends...kids home.
Dressing just for him to go on a lunch date.
Grabbing him every chance I get.
Im giving up all holes.
Im trying to ensure he is fulfilled because thats truly what I want.
Ive ordered surprise mystery boxes from Adam and Eve and letting him use things on me and playing together...pretty much every night.
Im open to trying new things.
Last week I even busted out climbing on top ( I never do)
And riding him with my ass reverse cowgirl.
Im sending not...tasteful nudes but absolutely nasty mid day trash pics I know he loves.
I just discovered this AM.... he is still chatting online, subscribed to girls pages he is actively watching and commenting ... i could understand if he was watching to get ideas, but he is actively commenting on their videos to them. About their bodies and what he wants to do or would do.
I know it could be worse.... at least he is not physically having an affair 🤔
I dont think.
But I wish I completely fulfilled and satisfied him...in totality.
Im not mad.
Im hurt...
But im open to investing and putting forth effort to actually do what he wants .
I fear.... at this point this is his sexual appetite....variety...more than me, more than 1.
And it crushes me.
I totally, completely and deeply desire him and him alone and am more than committed and always faithful.
I am probably the best shape ive been in since high-school even after 20 years and 4 kids.
I'd like to think im still...beautiful and attractive
....still his babydoll. His toy.
But I feel like...he just wants a toy box full of babydolls and toys. ?
Suggestions?
Am I being too sensitive?
I just wish I and I alone were enough.