2 years ago, I cut off my mom for being manipulative and abusive. Growing up, I was the black sheep of the family and was physically abused by my older brother (30m). Because of the abuse I had to endure from my mom and brother, I had destructive behavior from 12-14 years old. My mother always thought I lied and she always favored my brother despite the abuse the household endured. When he attacked me in 2022 (I was 17), I filed an order for protection against my brother and it was granted. He could not stay in the house with the rest of the family. My mother ignored that order and snuck him in while I was asleep for a month. When I found out about that, I called the cops and he was arrested again. My mother kicked me out at 17 and I jumped around from place to place. I was always nervous having no contact with my mother but I finally cut her off 2 years ago.
Since the beginning of this year (I’m 21 now), I always cried and grieved for my mom everyday. Anytime I hear my roommates talking to their moms I tear up and I always wish my mom was good enough for me. I know she isn’t a good person and she put me through hell but I miss having a mom. Does anyone else feel this way? If so, how do you deal with the grief of an abusive parent who is still alive?