u/Extension_Run_1684

For some context, my mom wants me to have a grad party to celebrate my graduation, which I COMPLETELY understand; however, I feel completely uncomfortable with the idea of a grad party for a couple of reasons. 

1. My entire family is religious, and I am not straight, nor do I hide it, but I don't boast about it either; I just act normal. However, I know people talk about it, and I would hate to have that on a day where it's supposed to be "positive things only".  
2. I am the "golden child," but I am attending community college. My extracurriculars are nationally recognized; most of my family has seen me in the news or on Instagram. I lead a quiet life, but my public accomplishments make people expect more from me. I don't think anyone would take my going to CC badly, but I don't talk to my family much. Having them at my party would be stressful, since I don't want to disappoint people who look up to me. Also, most people in this community go to CC but end up flunking out. I don't want to be put in the same basket.
3. I don't like my family. I got close to two cousins, but we recently had a falling-out. Inviting everyone but them would look bad, but inviting them would be worse because I never want to talk to them again. My other cousins are always having issues within their own friend groups. We have nearly 100 blood cousins in a 50-mile radius. On graduation day, I want to spend it with my family. 
4. Creating a guest list. I have never thrown a birthday party or any event because I absolutely despise the idea of hosting. Being the one who has to make sure every group is doing fine, trying to combine friend groups, it's not my cup of tea. I personally would just rather not. 
5. Lastly, while I understand graduation is a big deal. I am not really proud of where I am right now. I am not embarrassed, but it's not problematic to say I really believed I would do more at this stage in life. As a student involved in multiple public-facing extracurriculars and having won national awards, I expected a lot more of myself. However, I know this isn't the end, but just the beginning of the great things I plan to aspire to. I also know the intention behind being quiet about my goals and revealing them after they've been achieved, and I want to intentionally practice that during my time.

Overall, am I the asshole for telling my mom that I don't want a graduation party even though she keeps begging me to have one?