I (24F) have a group of close friends who’ve all known each other since hs. I was in a long term relationship with one of our friends, Michael, for four years. I broke up with him last December because I ended up developing feelings for our other friend, Robert, like October/November-ish. We had other long term incompatibility issues but the guilt of having a crush on Robert was my final straw
Now I’m kind of fucked though. I was depressed before I broke up with Michael, and I’m depressed now. Michael and I still hook up, but he only lets me see him in secret and doesn’t want anyone to know about us. I guess he’s embarrassed by me which doesn’t make me feel good lol. The sex is amazing which makes me keep coming back. It’s why I stayed with him for so long in the first place despite our issues. Part of me wishes we could work things out, but I tried for years with no results so I feel that’s not realistic
Robert has no interest in me, which makes sense because he’s friends with Michael so even if he did like me I’m sure he would honor bro code stuff. I go through phases with him because sometimes I feel like he is, but then I realize he’s just being friendly I guess. For example we were studying together and I asked if he wanted to get dinner after, he was like yes, we’re deciding w/e, and then he’s like “should we invite other people?” Obviously, I have to say yes and text our friends. I understand and appreciate this is him subtly letting me know he doesn’t like me in that way… but it’s still hard when I still like him. I know I should stop hanging out with him, but every time I try I just end up asking to see him again :/
TLDR; how do you force yourself to maintain distance from your best guy friend you’re crushing on when you love spending time with him?