I miss having parents
Im a 26 yo trans girl who can't believe they're gone. I joined the army out of high school, did some time in iraq and somewhere along the way my parents stopped coming to see me and stopped calling. By the time I got out of the army the relationship with my folks was nonexistent, so when I came out as trans it took a while for them to find out. I didn't go out of my way to tell them at first but one day my father and I talked about how I had just met my now wife, and that she accepted me for me. I explained to him who I was and that was the day he told me he didn't want to see me anymore. He said we could call and talk to one another every now and again, but I wasn't allowed back at home. We stopped talking after that. My mom came to see me later on, and begged me to stop and come to my senses. Last year, she reached out to my wife asking to know me, the real me. We talked, and she clutched her pearls as I told her how I felt before vs after coming out, how much happier I was, and how I cared little for life until I found myself. But she kept to her Christian values that say its wrong, spouting off about how "there were never any signs" and how its really hard for her to accept me. So I gave up. It's been almost a decade since I left home. And now that I don't have a childhood home to go back to I can't help but feel my heart get heavy, and tears fill my eyes. It's just me and the family I make now, but as I look to the future, I want to be a mother, and my grandmother was the world to me, but my kids won't know theirs. There'll be less people in the world who love them because of me. Because me coming out really put the final nail in the coffin, and somehow knowing that its not my fault doesn't make me feel much better. I've since gone no contactish, she could still hit my wife up and I'd hear whatever she had to say but she can't call me directly anymore. Some days I wish she would. To have just one of the 4 parental figures that raised me in my corner would be enough to bring me to tears. To have someone to bring my life's achievements to who cares to see them feels like a pipe dream that I can't help but want.
TLDR some people shouldn't have kids. Not looking for advice or anything, I just can't hold it in anymore.