“My mom says she doesn’t care about grades, but constantly compares me to others”
My mom always says things like “I don’t care what grades you get” or “I’d never compare you to other kids,” but then she constantly compares me to my friends, her friends’ children, and talks about people judging my grades.
She even said that if I don’t succeed, it would mean she failed as a parent. So when she says she only cares about my happiness and not marks, it honestly feels hard to believe. And a little hypocritical.
Another thing that confuses me is how much her opinion changes. One moment she says she’ll support whatever career I want and even send me abroad because it’s my dream, and then later she says I’m “living in a virtual world” like what does that even mean and tells me to be realistic. I said I will study hard and get scholarship but she said she still won't send me.
I don’t know if she realizes how contradictory it feels. I’d almost rather she honestly admitted she cares a lot about grades and what people think instead of saying she doesn’t and then making comments that suggest otherwise. I tried telling her this and she got defensive,mad and started asking me when she did. It's honestly exhausting and I can't even trust it whenever she says I care about your happiness above all. She literally says I won't care if you don't go to college or anything and just stay here( not that I want to do that) and then she's pushing into the school she wants me to go even though I don't want to go there.
The 11th grade she wants me to go to is my pervious school and many kids from my current school are transferring there too and I don't want to spend 2 more years in that place again. A lot of stuff happened and I thought I always finally away from everything and she's putting me there again I don't think I can handle going back there. When I said I travel with bus to a college that's like a hour away she said that's not happening that it's not possible at all I will just have to stay home then. What's worse is that they had a car and a driver to drop and pick up my sister for 2 years, is it wrong of me to expect the same. I asked her to put me tutions that all the other kids had she refused said she studied without tutions then compares me to the kids whose parents did put them in tutions. I just don't understand the mixed signals and it's draining me.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of mixed messaging from parents? How do you stop it from getting to you? I don't know what to do anymore I can't even talk to anyone because there's no one to talk too.