First time post, so I'm sorry if I'm missing some info. Me and my girlfriend live together with our 3 kids, and have for almost 2 years. I have 2 children and she has 1 from prior relationships.
I have always enjoyed playing video games to relax, so once we moved in together, I knew that would have to be cut back. We agreed to 2 nights a week for roughly 2 hours at a time for me to have my hobby time. Her only hobby she's admitted is watching TV and going out for walks on nature trails, but her schedule doesn't really align for that to be a viable option unless she goes on her own on a weekend day.
We've argued quite a bit about how she's unhappy when I take time to play a video game on those nights, since she says, "I just sit here and wait for you to get done." and when I asked her if I could help her find a hobby to enjoy or maybe those nights she can watch a movie. She refuses. I personally feel like asking for 2 hours twice a week to participate in my hobby when the chores are done and children are well taken care off and in bed. She's just unhappy I'm choosing to do something other than sit with her and watch a show or movie together every night. She's told me that she struggles with losing me any because, and I quote, "I've never lost to anything or anyone in my previous relationships. I've always been picked over everything, so losing isn't something I'm used to and I working on it."
Mind you, it's been almost 2 years and that quote has been around since the beginning.
I've asked her to try playing something with me, a card game, a video game, or just trying something other than just sitting around watching TV after the kids go down. She doesn't want any of it and refuses to try anything new. She only has three friends, and she mainly only talks to one of them. I have several friends that I communicate with in a big group chat and have known them since high school years.
During one of these arguments a few weeks ago, I told her I'm upset with her drinking because it makes her become angry and try to start fights. She tried shoving her at the time beer at me and told me "Go ahead, see how much of this beer I have left." knowing she had shots plenty before touching the beer. I tried to just walk around her but she kept side stepping to block me shoving the beer at me. I said, "Dude just stop I don't want to touch your beer." she punched me in the chest and said, "don't call me dude. You know I fucking hate that.". The next morning, I told her I was planning on packing up and leaving, and she begged me not to and after a long talk saying that I'm tired of her being mean to me when I'm asking for a very reasonable amount of time to spend not just sitting in front of the TV. She agreed to do that for me to stay but it's just been the same since.
Lately her drinking has gotten to a point of concern and it makes arguments much worse. For example, I recently sat down to watch a show with her and we were unwinding from an otherwise fine day. It'd had been almost 3 weeks since I even touched a game because I just want to avoid fighting. That night, I recalled that the next day was a game night for me and my friends and laughed that I had completely forgotten about it. She asked me what I wanted to do, and I told her that I'm good with whatever she wants to do. She demanded I answer her with an actual answer of what I am going to do so she can plan her night accordingly. So I said, "Play games or something since it's been a while." She didn't respond, got up from bed and went into the kitchen and took a shot and grabbed another beer. She stayed in the kitchen so I got up and asked if she was okay. She said "Yeah, you just suck ass at communicating, do you know that? You fucking suck. I don't see why you won't just say what you want." so I told her "I'm afraid to because it always ends up in a fight. I'm simply afraid." and she says, "And you can feel that way, but just know that you fucking suck at communication."
Feeling like there was nothing more to add since my confession of being afraid to talk to her, I walked away and went back to bed. She said, "I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight." I said "okay." then 30 seconds later, she says "No, actually, you can sleep on the couch tonight. I didn't do anything wrong." so I just said "Okay." and she mocked me and just stayed in the kitchen drinking. I laid on the couch and went to sleep.
Last night, I moved my entire PC over to a family member's home. She was already drinking and was unhappy that I moved it. I told her that it was simply causing too many issues and if I ever work up the courage to want to go play something, I won't have to be in the same space to bother her.
She says that she didn't ask me to do it, and I told her that I was doing it as a way to prevent further issues. She told me to move it back and I told her, "No, I'm afraid to even ask to play anything for any amount of time. We will be fine all day, but the moment I acknowledge doing anything involving my friends or video games, it ruins the entire night and you turn mean.". Needless to say, it didn't go well and she started drinking more and eventually went to sleep and told me to sleep on the couch again.
We had begun taking steps to buy a house together but I'm extremely hesitant in taking the chance that it'll get better. Feels like a big gamble with bad odds that a house with more space will help. I love her and I love all of the kids. I don't want to put them through another split. Her oldest came downstairs the other night during an argument and began crying asking us to stop fighting because she doesn't want to lose another dad.
Broke my heart.
I don't know what to do at this point, I'm worried about putting the kids through another parental split. But I'm absolutely tired of walking on eggshells and being afraid to even mention any sort of hobby that doesn't involve her or watching something on TV.
TL;DR: My live in girlfriend doesn't want me to spend any time participating in my hobby and crashes out anytime I ask about it.