I [20F] feel emotionally anxious and under-prioritized in my relationship with him [23M], and I can’t tell if I’m overthinking or if we’re genuinely incompatible?
I’ve been talking to someone for around 5 months. He’s already employed while I’m still in my 2nd year of college, so I understand that we’re both in demanding stages of life.
When we met, he was preparing for his boards, so he became really busy almost immediately. After that, there were still other responsibilities and major commitments in his life. I’ve genuinely tried to be understanding because I know he has a life outside of me, and I never expected to become his whole world.
But lately, I’ve been feeling emotionally lonely and anxious in the relationship. I feel like from the very beginning, I was never really a priority. I know being busy is real, but sometimes I just want to feel like he still wants to know me, pursue me, and make emotional space for me.
We even had a conversation where he said that if we can’t maintain the relationship right now because of our dynamics, maybe he’ll come back after 2 years. I understand where he’s coming from, but I also don’t want to hold onto something uncertain or treat it like a promise.
I feel conflicted because I understand his situation, but at the same time, I feel like I’m slowly suffering from constantly being the one who adjusts, understands, and waits patiently. Sometimes I regret trying because I already told him before that I wasn’t sure if I could handle a relationship, but I still gave it a chance.
At the same time, I don’t want to sabotage the relationship by leaving too quickly. Part of me feels like maybe it’s still early and I’m just overthinking because of anxiety. I genuinely care about him, and I know his situation is real, so I don’t know if I should be more patient or if this is already a sign that the relationship isn’t emotionally healthy for me.
How do you tell the difference between relationship anxiety that can be worked through versus genuine emotional incompatibility?