32M Dating 28F third wheel issues.
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My partner 28F has been spending more and more time with a guy, which we will call [Karl] for now.
When me and my partner got together it was a slow three month timeline before we finally got together, during this time Karl would often out his two cents in and make her question how I was acting, be it too nice or whatever he had decided at the time.
During this time Karl was engaged and when I raised concerns about our now new relationship being interfered with from the outside she agreed. This was September.
Around November we had a fight about her saying she wanted a poly relationship or was interested about exploring that path, I had expressed that when we started dating we went over things together and had agreed mono. If she wanted poly id need a long time to think about it and couldnt make promises.
Around this time she revealed she had a crushed on Karl prior to us dating which had lasted 3 years but had never done anything about it. I said it made me uncomfortable that a friend of hers she was still speaking too was a former crush but id get over that in time.
She then revealed ontop of it that he had recently broken up with his wife to be, and she had recently became obsessed with him again. This made me spiral as I had assumed obsession and the timing of everything meant she had feelings.
So I asked her if she did and she denied it, and thought a series of events I asked her to give both of us space so she could think clearly as I was committed to us and by her own admission she was unsteady.
A week later she asked if we can resume dating.
Come December she is over at my house and this same guy mentions he is horny to her because its winter, I say thats not appropriate for someone to be saying that to someone in a relationship and ask for boundaries she says if we set them he will keep nudging them and will bypass them somehow.
I state thats why boundaries are made and enforced because without enforcing them they wont go anywhere, she fights back and In the end no boundaries are set.
February comes and she announces her and him had a phone call and he has feelings for her and has admitted it and they both had a cry on the phone. Something she has never done around me. I start to feel this is a bit odd, and state that im not comfortable again, and that does she have feelings for him, she says its complicated but no.
March comes and we have a huge fight, about poly, she says she already has a choice and it would be Karl. I state then thats not really fair on me because she's been romantically attached, atleast thats how its coming crossed
She denies it and once again asks for space to sort her head, I oblige.
Then the last three weeks she's been busy with work and school often citing days she's going to be too busy to do anything. I ask if she needs space those days. She denies it.
On our date days \[every saturday\] Karl starts to make often appearances during those times, I am asked and whilst I dont hate the idea of one it starts to become every single time me and her try to have us tjme, Karl is there.
Today I said to her I feel like you have deeper feelings for Karl than youve admitted and she says " I dont have clear perceptions on my feelings for him"
Shes currently away to sort out her "crossed wires" as she wants to throw a tantrum but the logical part of her mind says otherwise.
Am I being unreasonable here to question if this relationship is over and ive ignored too may. Red flags ?