u/Expert_Client_7175

I 16F have been homeschooled my whole life. I have terrible anxiety and no social skills whatsoever and possibly, and I say possibly, because I’m not self-diagnosing, but possibly I could have autism as well. Anyone I’ve met online has begged me to get tested, but it could just be because I have ocd this is important I promise anyway my 17F sister just graduated, and I had to go to multiple things at her school, and I’ve felt like super, super worried about missing out, and I feel like I’m going to miss out on going to school and having any type of connection with anyone maybe and just being normal also my father is always making fun of me for not going and how I “sleep all day and just play games” and my parents were so proud of her and I want that as well I want to do better and prove him wrong but here comes the issue I talked to my 15F girlfriend about it, and she said yeah she thinks it could be good for me but warned me about the reasons I listed above and why she also thinks it could be a terrible idea for me, and I was so happy that she was okay with this because we have had prior issues with stuff like this that ended up terrible. I won’t go into it much, but she is very like suicidal sometimes, and we’ve had issues with arguments and her thinking I was going to replace her and I fell asleep because I had been up all night for the graduation and when I checked my phone she had sent an entire message about how she didn’t want to be with me anymore and that school would’ve good for me probably, but she’s not going to wait around to be replaced and all of this stuff and how she wasn’t going to do this with me anymore, and then I said I just wouldn’t go even though I definitely still want to try, and she randomly started getting mad and saying how I ruin everything and all this stuff and cut to later she was fine, and I said I wouldn’t go, and she was joking about it and stuff and the were on the phone, and she said I sounded upset take into mind as well my dog is missing at this moment too and has been for a whole day, and I am very upset about that she was telling me a story of when she was in school prior to me becoming upset, and she said “school sucks, and you want to go” and I got upset because yeah why can she not just support that, but anyway she kept asking me to tell her what’s wrong, and then she asked if it was about my dog and I just said yes, and we talked about that, and I left it at that because I didn’t want to start another fight where she was trying to end her life. And then we got past that, and she asked to play Roblox and I said yes and then all of a sudden she was saying not to talk to her, and now it is the same argument all over again, and I’m unsure what to do with this so what do I do exactly??