My husband and I just got back yesterday from a wonderful trip to Alaska celebrating our 32nd wedding anniversary. Today we find out he has kidney cancer. We are both shell-shocked to say the least.
His first bout of cancer occurred 6 years ago. It resulted in a permanent colostomy. He had a butt wound so deep that it took 9 months to heal with twice a day dressing changes which I did for him. He had chemotherapy and radiation for almost a year. We celebrated 5 years of remission in 2025 and his yearly scans stopped. He had a scan done before we left on our trip because of what we assumed was prostate issues due to scar tissue in that general area.
We just resumed traveling because he has deficits from the cancer treatment along with the colostomy. We were finally getting our new normal figured out.
Now we are starting over again. It appears to be a new primary cancer, not metastatic. That is the best we can hope for. I am so scared of losing him. He is my rock, my best friend, my everything. I can't imagine him not being in this world.
How do I find the strength to do it all over again? No, he probably won't have a nasty wound but cancer treatment is so hard on the body. It bothers me deeply to see him suffer. This time around both of us have lost our best friends to death. They were a source of comfort for us that first time. Our son and his family are very supportive but my father, aunts, cousins are all gone now. They also helped ease the burden. The worst part of aging is that your world gets smaller as people die.
TLDR second cancer diagnosis, feeling alone and overwhelmed
Update: thanks for all the support and encouragement. I have read all the comments and appreciate all of you more than you can ever imagine. Life is unpredictable and definitely unfair. You want to say, "why us" but I realize it really should be "why not us" just because you went through a serious cancer once doesn't mean it can't happen again. So my husband and I are going to keep living our life and hope for the best. His oncologist told us that it is unlikely metastatic so that's good. We haven't told anyone yet besides our oldest son. Everyone, particularly our siblings, freaked out with the first cancer because my husband is well-loved by the entire family. It is going to be very hard for them to hear it again. Once we have more of a plan in place, we will start sharing this latest news. We are quiet, serious people so we tend to think things over before reacting. Yes, we need support but our oldest son is a psychologist so that will do for now. He sent us some funny pictures tonight and didn't mention the cancer which we appreciated. He let us know he was thinking about us but letting us set the tone.