Hi, I'm new here. 39F
For a bit of background, my parents have been divorced since I was 2. I was a drunken hookup gone wrong. He moved to another state and started a new family and she raised me while being a raging but functional alcoholic. I saw him a few times throughout my childhood and he would call me at least once a month for about 10 minutes. She very much alienated me from him, as if he needed any help. Anyways, growing up she was physically and mentally abusive. She parentified me with my younger sibling. And was just generally a negative person all the time, still is. She quit drinking and everything was just swept under the rug.
Fast forward to today, I'm nearly 40 and have been no contact with her for almost 2 years. Our relationship, up to this point, actually wasn't bad but we had a huge fight and it opened my eyes to what was really going on. She had turned me into her personal therapist, her mom, her retirement plan, her ATM. Our last conversation consisted of her sending me a middle finger emoji then trashing the phone that I bought her and changed her number. I am somewhat close to my dad now because we live somewhat close to each other, about 5 hours away. And he has this weird nostalgia about her from when they were younger and he has his own guilt from being no contact with his own mother for a period of time before she died.
I have been diagnosed with high levels of precancerous cells on my cervix, and have been told if I don't essentially have my cervix removed I will get cancer. Dad tells me I need to be the bigger person, that she is who she is, that she loves me so much, that life is too short, etc etc. I don't have the energy right now with everything going in my life to argue with him. But I just want to scream "She would never do this for you!" My whole life, she told me what a terrible person he is and how it's his fault that she was an alcoholic, he never taught her how to be a social drinker. That he got a new family to replace me and it's my fault he left. She is a horribly negative person and I am much better off without her in my life. I have no intent on fixing anything I didn't break.
I guess I came here to vent but any word of encouragement or advice are more than welcome. Thanks for taking the time to read :)