u/Existing_Phase1644

Yesterday's post wasn't suppose to set off alarms, in fact, I had a completely different thought process going on at the time, meant to address to ridiculous series of events this administration had presented, in addition to a few random ones.

i'm going to be 42 in a few days time, and Colberts last show is on the 21rst, three days afterwards. I measured the prgress of my own lifes achievements by those whom I had yet to meet, and it just spiraled from there.
Did it set off alarms? Sure.
Were somepeople justifiably confused on how to handle it? Of course, you tried your best and that's what matters.

The point being, I'm not going to stop doing my thing because of the fact my lifespans a 3rd over and done with... potentially, based on diet, exorcise, family history, genetics, cancer risk, and other facters- not important.

The main lesson here is never get in your feels as a man on reddit and expect things to work out for you, cause reddits all about that short sweet burst of opinion and riding off into the sunset. This is the internet, not a soap opera.

Needless to say, I done derped, so there. Also, for those wondering, that post was written post coffee, on around 3 hours of sleep. Got a full nights rest, so trust me. I'm golden.

Can anyone please tell me.... I feel like I've lost the .... no point in dwelling on any of that.... t he more time and energy spent on pointless bickering about things that don't affect the individual personally, the less time you have to accomplish anything. There are those that spend their entire lives pointing out the flaws in everything else, and those who accomplish nothing of any import, and those who create something great.

Which are you? Again, if you spent time answering this, you have chosen to spend you time on a worthless endeavor. Therefore, do not reply, there's no need. Take a walk outside, talk to some friends, find someone, find anyone.

i've spent my life avoiding the hardships of regular life, and have missed out on so much because of it. I will die without anything great happening to me. No monuments, no tiny chotchkis, nothing. But maybe I'm meant to not have done anything great? Or maybe i am doing osmething great? Or maybe my time had already passed to do something great and now the reapers just left me here for all of eternity in a slow moving fuckstorm of confusing events and....

it feels like... i'm stuck in a theater, watching trailers to all the great moments in life, and everyone else is taking parts in those moments.... I don't fear being forgotten, because there's nothing great to remember. I don't fear not remembering, because the various moments of trauma have fogged my memory. I don't fear being great, because my environment prevented that level of self confidence. I don't fear being hated, because I know I'm a good person. I don't fear the beginning, because it already happened, nor the future, because it's already happening, nor the end, because when it's my time to go, its my time to go.

I've made peace with relevancy, irrelevancy, not following the trends being made fun of, not being mad at the right or wrong things, not getting frustrated or being at peace. If this makes me complacent, or middle of the road or afraid to take a side in your minds, that is of no importance to me. i've already died once or twice before. And to be honest, it's not that big a deal.

You go to sleep, and a little while later, you wake back up. I'm... fine with that I guess. I don't have the means to talk with anyone, and those who are around are wrapped up in their own traumas and habits, and tlaking with them about anything immediately gets overwritten with whatever they want to talk about. I'm scared, not of potential, but of the absolute gap between myself and everyone else. I either take too long to get to the point or not enough details, or one thing or another and it's... it's fine.

John Ollivers takes on everything helped put a lot of thingsi nto perspective. Nothing's perfect, everything terrible, and I shouldn't attempt to do anything great with my life because of those facts. But, I continue to do so despite the feeling of being lost, alone, and complacent with why the fuck I'm still alive after that car accident. But I keep chugging along, and hopefully, I'll get something interesting done before it's my actual time to go.

Fuck the grim reaper. Fuck expectation. LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!

Edit:
For those concerned, I appreciate it, but I've exhausted ever recsource available to me, and the project I'm working on at the moment can't afford any environmental or psychological changes. I write because I must, not because it makes sense to, but I'd rather get everything word saladed and make sense of it later. If you wish to talk further, please inbox me.

For those looking at my profile and posts:
I'm an author, I write crazy fiction sometimes.
And I am serious about creating true digital life.
still.. if this gets down voted because of this revelation, so be it. The internet is a harsh judge, so what can one do about it? Sides, I've got family and animals to take care of, so I'm not oging anywhere for at least the next 25 to 35 years, good health and diet and all of that. Time to pick a fight with a waffle house.
Not the people.
The building.

The answer is Yes! Have you ever danced with the Damud in the pale moonlight!? I have, and let me tell you, the glow of their eyes as the moon light hits is spectacularly haunting in the worst way possible.
You don't even know they're there. They just are.

Now, The Katriss in question was in the Freybreak lands, a haunting if not beautiful location in my choas world. I had brought Bob and my jetdragon lord of burpees, god of uppies, and extinguisher of fluffy squishy things! And I had beaten everything to a pulp with a stick! And made Bob watch... or wander around. And Jetdragon!?

Jetdragon was more like Spirit airlines as it beamed headfirst into the dreaded feybreak tower boss. I'm sorry, let me correct myself, because that lil rascalk was dreading me! because I had wooped that invincible lion man lookin SOB for the 90th time, and it just keeps getting better.

Where's the Katriss? They were around, hiding in the brush, stalking their prey. But I had loaded up on five tons of Broncherry and Aestegon extract and hgad been listing to the smooth tunes of the distant cries of the unworthy and the Joe Rogan Podcast. I also had unquipped my overpowered LSD ghost sword machine and my Nightshade, to make it a fair fight.

Equipped with 300 Palspheres with a sniper 2 mod, I launched my over confident ass at the closest herd of Katriss. Naturally, they flambe'd my dumb butt, but I had wond the war. Although I had..... i'm sorry, I've had way too much coffee to drink.

Look the short end of this weird ass tale is this: I went to feybreak, caught some katriss, and once again, traumatized the hell out of baby Bjorn.

for the past few days I've been in touch with someone claiming to be Clint A. and a Jordan, but they didn't have official email accounts for their respective studios, and sent me an outdated application for SAG-AFTRA, (outdated by 8 years) and I asked If I could do it the normal way- 3 vouchers, annual fee taken out of the resulting pay, that kind of thing, but they insisted that everything is above board. I haven't filled out the application, but i'm hurting for money and this is the first job offer to come in in a few years.