u/Existing_Instance364

my cousin died not too long ago, like less than month. he died the day after i moved to another state. i keep thinking how i never got to see him, the last time i saw him was christmas. he was 25. im turning 20 this year an for the first time i understand how young 20s-30s are. he really wasnt that much older than me. i never kept that much in contact. i never got to say how much i loved him, no matter the distance, or difference in age. i went to his private viewing yesterday, my first time ever seeing a dead body. and jesus christ. he should never be that pale. he was always so happy, so party animal-ish. he shouldve never been like that. i guess im just writing this to say, i miss you, D. i miss you so fucking much and im so fucking sorry i never said anything while you were i alive. im so sorry. im so fucking sorry. i dont really believe in god or heaven but jesus christ i hope you're in a better please. please be in a better please. please. i love you, D. im sorry i never mentioned it, im sorry we never got to even have these conversations. im sorry we never got to be drunk or smoke tg, to have holidays together. i think ill miss you for a long time, D. i love you. i think ill miss you forever. if you're with our papaw, please tell him i love him too, if thats even a thing.