My (28F) partner's (30M) lack of curiosity is starving our relationship and I'm hitting a wall.
I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for two years. In a lot of ways, we work. He respects my space and boundaries, and I can tell that he values the relationship a lot. We're both very independent, and our core values align. But we are fundamentally different people. Our interests and personalities don't match up, and while that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's led to a total lack of curiosity on his part about who I actually am.
I've put real effort into his world. Hours gaming, building Lego sets together, things I genuinely came to love because I wanted to be part of what matters to him. But that's never been reciprocated. His life feels like the main event, and my thoughts, my interests and my inner world feel like background noise. Which feels unintentionally very egocentric.
For some context, he's currently working two jobs and is clearly exhausted, and I've tried to be patient with that. But this has been the dynamic for nine months now. He can talk for hours about his own life, but he shows almost no interest in mine. I've gotten so resentful that I've started tuning him out, which isn't fair to either of us.
What's eating at me isn't just the imbalance, it's the fear that this isn't a stress response. It's just who he is. I'm scared he's with me because he's afraid to be alone, and not because he actually wants to know me.
How long can "work exhaustion" realistically justify a total lack of emotional curiosity before it's just a permanent personality trait?
TL;DR: I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for two years. I show deep interest and involvement in things that he likes (gaming/lego), but he shows zero curiosity about my life or thoughts. He’s been working two jobs for 9 months and is exhausted, but I’m worried his lack of interest in me is a permanent personality trait rather than just stress.