I’m 22F and he’s 24M. We were together for about a year and a half before breaking up last year, and now I’m considering getting back together with him. I genuinely feel sick over how to tell my family.
For context, our relationship ended really badly about a year ago. We were very serious, and when things fell apart, it hit me hard. For context: he completely blindsided me and broke up with me over a text message the day we got back from a family vacation. He was VERY close with my family.
There were definitely a lot of unhealthy patterns toward the end. I felt like I was constantly anxious, overthinking everything, and not being treated the way I deserved. I lost a noticeable amount of weight, was really emotionally drained, and just not myself at all. My family saw all of this happen in real time, so they have a very negative view of him and what that relationship did to me.
We’ve been completely apart for almost a year. During that time, I’ve focused on myself a lot, and I can honestly say I’m in a much better place mentally and emotionally than I was back then. Recently, we reconnected, and we’ve had a lot of honest conversations about what went wrong. He’s taken accountability for how he treated me, and I’ve also reflected on things I could have handled better.
Right now, things feel very different. It’s slower, more intentional, and I feel like I have a much stronger sense of myself. I’m not ignoring what happened before, but I also don’t feel like we’re the same people we were then.
That being said, I’m not naive. I know my family is going to be extremely against this. They saw me at my lowest because of him, and I completely understand why they feel protective. I don’t blame them at all.
But I also feel like this is my decision to make. I still care about him deeply, and I’ve never really connected with anyone else the same way.
I’m trying to approach this in a healthy way by setting boundaries and being very aware of how I’m treated this time around. If things started to feel like they did before, I would walk away.
I guess I’m just stuck on how to handle my family. I’m not asking for their permission, but I do want to maintain a good relationship with them and not feel like I’m constantly choosing between them and my relationship.
Has anyone been in a situation where you got back with an ex after a really unhealthy dynamic? Did it actually work out? And how did you deal with family or friends who were strongly against it?
I’d really appreciate any honest advice!