I resent my ex
The last 3 years of the marriage were terrible. The divorce was terrible. Pretty much everything from pandemic to final divorce was a terrible, traumatic, drama filled mess.
And then the divorce went through, he dipped out on the kids he "loved and wanted so much" and other than paying his child support, he might as well be dead.
He was supposed to have EOW. He never took it. He's only seen the kids when it is convenient for him. It has been over 6 months since he saw them last. He and the oldest aren't on speaking terms.
He's still alive, but you can't tell from our daily existence. He doesn't call. He rarely texts. He didn't venmo the christmas gift money til February. He attends absolutely 0 events. Its getting to the point where I honestly wonder if the youngest would recognize him if he ran into him on the street without someone saying "that's Dad".
I got every single responsibility from our married lives together in the divorce. The kids. The pets. The debts. The bills. The car with issues. There were no assets. His mini-midlife crisis and mental health breakdown had already destroyed everything we had built during the marriage. All that was left were chaos and bills.
I got all of it, on a lower income than he gets, and have since then been constantly told "you get child support", if I ask for help. Any help. At all. This man isn't buying a pencil if it isn't court ordered.
He's supposed to pay for half of activities, but the man who once helped coach the travel ball team year after year now dismisses pretty much all activities as unnecessary so I have to pay for them. That's right, a man who paid for travel little league ball for the oldest so he could play against teams from across the country now says the youngest's swimming lessons are "unnecessary".
Everything is "unnecessary" if it costs him a dime. Its fine if they do the things, but unnecessary and a "luxury" if I threaten court for his half.
So I did all the right things. Worked harder. Worked longer. Paid off the debts. Fixed my credit. Bought a house. Got a masters degree. Got a promotion. Worked longer hours bc the overtime is where the money is and even the basics just get more and more expensive.
I'm exhausted. Utterly exhausted. Bone deep exhausted. The demands never end, the expenses never end, the mess never ends. I have worked so hard to get our lives back where they were and make up for his ditching us, because I still owe them somewhat normal lives. I am so burned out.
"You chose to have kids...."
Yes, but I did not choose to have kids alone. I did not choose to get fucking ghosted by the other parent. I did not choose a custody agreement where the other party literally never fucking shows up on "his time".
This motherfucker gets to be child-free despite being a father of three. He can do anything he wants with 100% of his free time, because he dumped 100% of the physical responsibility for our kids on me.
There is absolutely nothing I can do about it either. Its not illegal. It should be, IMO, but it isn’t. He pays his child support and otherwise never lifts a finger and its fine.
He can go to the gym, the bar, away for the week, accept better pay for a traveling job, all without a care in the world other than what does he want to do. He can take weekend trips, take up yoga, go to a concert without calling a soul or making a plan that doesn't involve his immediate needs. It doesn't matter to anyone in this world what he does. He has 0 responsibilities beyond himself and a child support check that gets garnished out of his paychecks because he doesn't like paying it.
I desperately need a break at this point. I'm exhausted. I'm bitchy. I'm short tempered. I'm so freaking tired....... I just need a week or so to myself, to center and clear my head and breathe.
Will ex take them? No.
What about his two weeks of vacation he's supposed to get with them each year? Also no.
He has taken exactly 0 weeks of vacation with them since the divorce. He also still has all his vacation days and PTO saved up, since he never has to deal with sick kids and school pick ups.
Meanwhile, its only this year I'm finally earning enough PTO to save some up for a planned trip or break rather than emergencies.
So, I decided to send the two younger kids to sleep away camp this summer. I'd send them, especially the youngest, for the whole summer if I could afford it. I can't afford it, so I booked as much as I figured I could afford solo, with the plan to add two extra weeks (if availability is even still there) if Ex pays his half.
Guess who isn't paying his half?
Guess who says camp is a "luxury" and "unnecessary" and that he didn't agree to this and therefore shouldn't have to pay for it?
If you guessed the dude whose lifehack for 'free childcare forever by using this one easy trick - of never ever picking them up from your ex's house!' You nailed it.
Why would he spend money on childcare? On camp? He doesn't see the kids to begin with. He provides 0 physical childcare. He isn't about to agree to spending money on giving his exhausted ex-wife a break from being a 24/7 parent. HE has taken a permanent break from being a parent. He has taken all the breaks so I never get even one.
I divorced him in part because I was tired of doing all the work. Now I just get to work harder and harder and harder to make up for his lazy, selfish ass. Just like I did when we were married.
I absolutely hate him.