Recovery
I struggled heavily with OCD for two or three years. Whenever an uncertainty or a sensation came up, I ran toward compulsions. It was so ingrained it was almost automatic—I just did them, no questions asked. I hated it. I felt weird and different. My friends didn't panic when they noticed their own blinking, and they didn't get anxious reading about some terrible disease they might have. It felt isolating, to say the least.
I learned what OCD was two years ago, and obviously, I immediately obsessed over how to “treat” or “cure” it. I eventually found Mark Freeman’s books. Everything he said angered me at the time. I thought OCD was just a chemical imbalance or some structural defect in my amygdala that I needed to "fix." But I gave his way a shot. Eventually, during the periods where I didn’t struggle as much, I realized I was the one “doing” the OCD. When I would “relapse,” it was always because I fell back into small compulsions that seemed totally unrelated to the things I actually feared. I was still judging my sensations and emotions as “wrong” or negative.
I think anyone doing the work to cut out compulsions needs to look broader. Don’t just cut out the rituals related to the topics you fear. This applies to everyone. Everyone does compulsions that worsen their mental health, not just “mentally ill” people. We are no different than anyone else. I’ve seen people hit rock bottom, ask for death, and just stop caring—and all of a sudden, the obsessions and panic stop.
As for where I stand now: I relapsed lol. For three months, all I did were small compulsions. I dropped my phone—it didn’t even break, but I sold it because it was “tainted.” My computer blue-screened once, and even though it never happened again, I ended up swapping out the logic board. I refused to leave the house because I didn’t get a haircut and was scared of looking bad. I started spraying crazy amounts of perfume just because I wanted to be seen as a "big thing." I went back to researching diseases and fearing I had them. To an observer, it looks absurd, and to be frank, I wasn’t following the advice I’m giving here. I thought because the “clinical” OCD was gone, I was cured. I was far from it.
When you cut out compulsions, throw out the clinical definition. I can assure you that you’re doing things that don’t seem like compulsions—they might even feel good to do—but they serve the exact same logic and function as a typical OCD compulsion.
please, even if you truly believe that your brain is defective, try to follow the advice mark freeman gives, even if it was true that we all have a defective mid brain and amygdala like some old research seemed to suggest, give it a try because in any case adopting this posture to your internal and external experiences will do you good.
Final notes,
a lot harder to follow this advice even if you know it at the top of your head, youll need to put it into practice, yes i used AI my english is ASS, wrote everything down and told it to make a post but all the thing’s you’re reading are thing’s i experienced, i wish you all well, feel free to contact me, god bless you all may god guide us away from harm.