34M, life has stabilised after a tumultuous period - I’ve got my PhD, I’m in a great job, and life on paper is really coming up *me*, but I just don’t have any spark anymore. My life shrunk for me to get to where I am and it shows - I have a very small handful of coupled/str8 mates and live a fairly simple/chill existence. This should be great but I feel uncomfortable, totally off meeting people/dating, and just really lonely.
I think previous queer relationships plus my own experience of sexuality, the ups and downs of life, etc. have left their mark and I just don’t know how to engage with my sexuality and by extension community. I don’t get a thrill anymore from impulse Grindr stuff nor feel confident enough to put myself out, I don’t like going out raving and taking loads of drugs anymore, and yet I feel like I’m missing out or unable to enjoy what every other gaybro my age just does as part of their life.
I don’t mind having my own way of existing, I just currently feel lonely existing that way, yet uneasy with trying to be open/connect with people. How can I get out of this rut?