u/Exciting-Evidence512

I've been struggling with my MDD for years now but I'm at a point where I just don't care to get better? Like it's not something I want or even really think about, I was raped at 18 and dealt with the fallout from it but made progress and eventually healed. However now at 22, ive had no periods of happiness or even neutrality in my adult life which is why i think it's so unimaginably hard for me to envision a future for myself. I used to dream and wish to care about my life but I cannot find it within me anymore. I've tried damn near every pill/therapy program at this point. I just don't understand what/why I'm fighting for.