u/Exciting-Count-6222

Okay, I have a genuine question for everyone because recently I was talking to this guy and he told me about one of his kinks. Honestly, it was such a specific and interesting one that it made me start wondering: how do people even discover their kinks in the first place?

Like, at what point do you realize:
“Oh… this specific thing actually turns me on,”
or,
“This dynamic is something I’m really into”?

Was it something you always knew? Did it happen accidentally? Did an experience lead to it? I’m genuinely curious how people come to those realizations.

For example, for me, I realized pretty early on that I like the thrill of almost getting caught. Not actually getting caught, but the tension and adrenaline of someone almost walking in. I think I discovered that back in high school when I was messing around with someone at home and my parents almost walked in. That whole rush of panic and excitement weirdly stuck in my brain afterward.

So me and this guy have a Fwb situation, but I noticed something interesting about him. We haven’t slept together for over two months now because he’s out of the country, but I’ve noticed this pattern with him ever since we started sleeping together.

After we sleep together, he’s very sweet afterward. The aftercare is perfectly fine. But then I won’t hear from him for at least like two days. And then randomly he’ll send me something that’s meant to annoy me or get a reaction out of me in a playful way. He jokes around with me a lot, but emotionally he’s very constipated. He does not express himself emotionally at all.

What confuses me is that he does sweet things without directly saying how he feels. For example, if I was in his car listening to a certain genre of music, later he’ll randomly send me a playlist and say something like, “Since you’ve been into this type of music, you’d probably like this.” He doesn’t make the playlist himself, but he’ll go out of his way to find one for me. Little things like that.

But after we sleep together, I basically don’t hear from him the next day or even for two days sometimes. Then randomly he’ll send me reels, TikToks, or something stupid and suddenly we’re talking again. Sometimes if we haven’t talked for a bit, he’ll send me a video and immediately delete it. Then when I ask him what he sent, he’ll say, “I didn’t send you anything.” And somehow that becomes our way back into talking again.

I genuinely don’t understand what the fuck is wrong with this man. Because it feels like he lets me in a little bit and then immediately pushes me away again. Like he always keeps me at a distance emotionally. He’ll open the door slightly, then shut it again. And I’m just left confused by the behavior.

Mind you, I’ve known him for a year now.

There is this man that I’m not officially dating but have a weird situationship with. Lately, he’s been testing whether I’d be okay with him sleeping with other women, while also repeatedly asking me if I’m talking to other men.

The ironic part is that he is already talking to other women, which I’ve told him I genuinely don’t care about. The only thing I asked from him was honesty. So now I’m confused why he keeps testing my reactions or trying to gauge jealousy when I’ve already been pretty straightforward about it.

Accidentally found out the guy I’m interested in uses Snapchat Premium to sext and exchange nudes. I honestly don’t even know how to feel about it because we’re not exclusively dating, so technically it’s not really my place to question what he does.

The confusing part is that sometimes he randomly sends me jerk-off videos even when we aren’t sexting at all. So now I’m wondering if he was talking to someone else at the time and just included me in it or something. The whole situation feels weird and confusing to me.

So I’m curious for the people who use Snapchat Premium for that kind of stuff… what’s usually the reasoning behind it?

Also, is it okay to talk to him about it without being exclusive?

So I have a question, especially for men. Is it normal for a guy you’re not even officially dating just in a weird situation to become obsessed with the dick size of someone from your past?

This guy basically pushed me into telling him details about a man I dated a long time ago. First it was questions about size, then whether the sex was good, and now he keeps circling back to it over and over again. I was honest with him and told him the sex was actually terrible and not enjoyable at all. I even told him I regret sleeping with some people more than I regret not sleeping with people. As a woman, I don’t sit around fantasizing about past hookups if anything, I think, “I wish I hadn’t done that.”

But he keeps comparing himself to this guy and asking for reassurance about size and whether he measures up. I’ve even told him I don’t know exact measurements and that I was basically estimating, but he won’t let it go.

At this point it’s starting to feel unhealthy or obsessive to me. So I’m curious: is this actually common behavior for men? Do men tend to compare themselves this much to a woman’s ex or past sexual partner, especially when feelings are involved?

Do men try to test whether a woman has feelings for them by creating situations to see her reaction? Like bringing up another woman or mentioning interactions with other women just to watch how she responds, what she says, or whether she seems bothered? I’m confused because it feels like this man keeps creating scenarios to get some kind of emotional reaction out of me, and I can’t tell if it’s because he likes me and wants reassurance that I care, or if he’s trying to push me away. When I ask about it directly, I never really get a clear explanation, so I’m left feeling confused, frustrated, irritated, and honestly like I’m in a twilight zone trying to understand why someone would keep doing this

Okay, so the guy I’m seeing watches sex videos of past relationships, and I genuinely don’t know what to make of it. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Personally, if a relationship ended, I would delete anything like that. It feels like something that belonged to that relationship, and once it’s over, it should be gone.

Also, there’s so much porn out there you can literally find anything so why go back to something so personal and tied to an ex?

Am I crazy for thinking this is weird as fuck? I’m not trying to be judgmental, but it honestly feels like one of the strangest things I’ve come across.