u/Exciting-Challenge-1

I’m genuinely so done with this fuck-ass disease. For a year and a half I dealt with severe HOCD to the point where I couldn’t even breathe normally. It completely crippled me in every aspect of my life. Looking back now, I honestly don’t even recognize who I was during that time. None of it makes sense anymore—I was obsessing over something that doesn’t even remotely affect me now. But back then, it felt real. It felt all-consuming. I was doing literally anything I could just to make it stop, trying to fix something that didn’t even need fixing.I even went on dating apps—something that had never crossed my mind before—and started saying wild, sexual stuff to random girls just to “prove” I was straight. It sounds so fucking dumb in hindsight, but in the moment it felt necessary, like if I didn’t do it I’d lose my identity.Eventually, after a long 1.5 years, that theme finally faded. I thought I could go back to normal and live the life I always wanted. But then this real-event OCD bullshit hit, and now I can’t stop fixating on all the crazy stuff I said on those apps. It feels completely out of my moral character now, and I regret it like crazy—but I still did it, and my brain won’t let it go.Now I’m right back in that same place—constant anxiety, feeling crippled all day, stuck in my head. I don’t know what the fuck to do or how to escape this. It’s been almost two years of constant torture, and I just want my life back.