Feeling guilty for not being able to stay in my marriage after my spouse’s transition
Hi everyone. I’m a (25)f married to my spouse (MTF). Before we got married, she told me that dressing femininely was only a kink. But after we got married and I moved in with her, she told me that she actually wanted to transition and identify as trans. Right now, she has started the transition process. I want to make it clear that I’m not against trans people at all. In fact, I’m happy that she can finally be herself, and I truly believe she will be happier living authentically.
But at the same time, I feel incredibly guilty because I’m not attracted to women or trans women, both physically and romantically. I’ve never wanted to lie about my feelings, and throughout our relationship we’ve always communicated honestly with each other. So I told her the truth.
She was devastated because she believed I would stay with her forever no matter what.
And now I feel heartbroken. I’m disgusted of myself I keep asking myself why I can’t just love her regardless of who she is. Why can’t I stay beside her and make this work? I’ve tried so hard, but the more we try, the more distant we become. We argue more and more.
I still genuinely want the best for her. I want her transition to go well, I want her to succeed, and I will always support her happiness as a person.