I’m comparing myself to other girls
Easter Chocospoon :)
Hi girls
I don’t really know what I’m looking for maybe advice, maybe just someone to tell me I’m not crazy for still feeling like this. Back in February, my boyfriend and I went to Japan together. It was supposed to be this beautiful, once-in-a-lifetime kind of trip, and in many ways it was. But during that trip, I found out that he had been messaging other girls. As far as I know, nothing physical happened, and it wasn’t a full-blown affair. But it still broke something in me. It made me feel embarrassed, disrespected, and like I wasn’t as special as I thought I was to him.
We talked about it a lot afterwards. He apologized, he seemed genuinely sorry, and he explained that it came from insecurity, low self-esteem, and needing validation. He said it wasn’t about me not being enough. Since then, he has been trying. He’s affectionate, reassuring, present, and I can see that he wants to make things better.
But it happened in February, and I still think about it. The hardest part is that I compare myself so much now. I compare my body, my face, my femininity, my personality, everything. I wonder what those girls had that I don’t. I catch myself feeling less pretty, less desirable, less “chosen.” Even when he compliments me or reassures me, there’s a part of me that doesn’t fully believe it anymore. I hate that I feel this way because I know, logically, that his behavior was about his own issues and not about my worth. But emotionally, it made me feel like I wasn’t enough. And now I feel like I’m constantly trying to prove to myself that I am. I don’t want to punish him forever if he’s genuinely trying, and I don’t want to stay stuck in something that happened months ago. But I also don’t know how to just “get over it”