u/Excellent-Mud-3570

ello, I never had a good relationship with food. When I was a kid I would often have the stomach virus which caused me to fear throw up for a while lol, but then when I was in elementary I got bullied and it caused me to be too nervous for school so I didn’t eat. Then in middle school I had actual eating problems and was underweight (insecure and wanted to impress my crush) then I was okay for a bit until Covid years. I got insecure with being flat, so I started overeating to feel more “feminine and curvy” , ended up gaining a lot in just a few months. I remember my dad threatened to put a lock on the fridge because I was stuffing my face with sweet potatoes at night cause I thought protein would go into the “right areas” of my body. Then I worked hard to loose that weight. (I began having heart burn and that scared me , thought I’d die + discovered my love for walking). Then I was okay again, until I formed a relationship with what I’m told is a covert narcissist, and I started rlly not eating because I wanted to look like the aesthetic girls he admires. Even after leaving him I started stress walking and continued trying to fit in for him (even though we aren’t in contact). I’d walk long hours a day sometimes. I started using food as a reward , so in those walks I can have my favorite foods as lunch (because I wanted to follow my sisters diet). I still can’t eat around her without comparing each other. Anyways comments about how I look sick now is getting to me , and I can kind of see the problem. So I started eating more now , but I just can’t stand feeling of gaining so I burn it off with exercise but that doesn’t match the slim thick body shape I want. I’m restless. I have to workout everyday (haven’t had a day of bed rest in a long time). I don’t want this to come off as pity because I’m well aware it’s only in my control, and it’s all in my head. But it’s so hard, my opinions are polarizing. I get food noise. As I’m eating a meal, I’m calculating what my next one would be. I love food mukbangs that eat junk food. I recently gave into my food cravings and now I feel I can’t control myself. I’m also deeply missing my narc😇and confused on all of that stuff (if anyone wanna help with that) . Maybe I need spiritual guidance but a lot of those reading post I make don’t get responses . Anyways, anyone have advice?

Sunscreen suggestions ?!

What does this diagnosis mean?

Thoughts?

21F right dominant

Can I get some input about me? (Career, love, spirituality?)

Tell me something interesting about my chart