My girlfriend (36F) and I (29F) have been together for a year and a half. We met at the drag bar where I worked, instantly connected, and have basically been inseparable ever since.
Shortly after we met, she had to return to the DRC to renew her visa, so our relationship quickly became long distance. Despite that, we stayed committed. We’ve traveled together, I visited her for a month, and we’ve always tried to make the distance work.
But this time, we’re facing seven months apart, and it’s been much harder emotionally. We’re both extremely busy and struggling to find quality time together. She's comming back, but nothing is shure.
Last week, while I was at work, she asked me if we should consider opening the relationship. We had previously talked about how hard long distance can be, but we had also agreed that we liked the idea of waiting for each other. So when she brought it up, it hit me really hard.
I’ve had a very bad experience with an open relationship in the past, and she knows that. I was exhausted and overwhelmed, and I reacted emotionally. The next day, I apologized for my reaction and told her I wanted us to have a calmer, more thoughtful conversation about it.
The problem is that we kept missing each other because of our schedules. Then, before we could really process the discussion together, she talked to her ex and decided opening the relationship was a bad idea after all. For her, the subject is now closed.
But I don’t feel okay. I feel hurt that such a huge topic was introduced into our relationship and then emotionally resolved somewhere else and I still have all of those feeling to guet trough?
Now, whenever we do talk, I still feel unresolved and distant, while she seems ready to move on and act normal again. I miss her a lot and want to reconnect, but I also feel myself becoming bitter during our conversations because I still feel like we are so far from each other (emotionnaly) and she has time to speak to her ex but not me?
I don’t know how to stop spiraling about this or how to rebuild closeness when we barely have time to communicate properly right now.
Has anyone been through something similar in a long-distance relationship? How do you repair trust and emotional closeness after a conversation like this?