How do I navigate my bisexual husbands needs
My husband is bisexual, which I’ve known about, and he has been exploring those desires and fantasies more, to find a way to feel whole and reconcile his identity. I support this, but he wants to have these experiences with me. He feels that he can fulfill these needs by role playing or talking about his fantasies or watching porn together. I have a low libido, and while we do have regular sex, sex is not a driving force for me. I don’t need sex—intimacy and closeness, yes. I don’t mind that he likes these fantasies, but they don’t turn me on, I don’t really like them or understand them, and I don’t like porn at all. It makes me so uncomfortable to try to put myself in these roles for him. Like, it’s almost like I am just not capable, not that I’m just not willing. He doesn’t understand why I can’t just compromise to do something with him that he enjoys. We have talked about this A LOT.
We are in a rut. He doesn’t want to go outside of the marriage, as he feels that we can fulfill his needs together. I just don’t want to do the things he likes; they don’t turn me on, and they make me feel like I’m compromising my self. So, either I need to force myself to try and get into these fantasies (with almost no libido), or he needs a hall pass to go out and explore his “hobby” (his words) on his own with my consent (but we are worried about the unknown repercussions to our relationship), or we need to call it. We are very close and enjoy all other aspects of life together, and we want to grow old together.
Am I wrong to not feel good about putting myself outside of my comfort zone and doing things that I don’t like and make me feel like I am compromising my own self because they would make him feel accepted and fulfilled? I do truly want him to feel whole and fulfilled. I have brought up couples therapy, but he doesn’t think we will learn anything more than we’ve already talked about. The whole situation is having a negative mental impact on both of us.
Has anyone else experienced this, too?